Rape Jokes

[Lallante]

So in this OP I don't intend to fully lay out my arguement, but more posit my beliefs and then defend them as needed later in the thread:

I used to subscribe to usual neckbeard manifesto of "nothing is offlimits in comedy" "if you cant take a joke, fuck off". About 2 years ago, due to firsthand experiences, I did a 180.

1. I genuinely believe that telling rape jokes publically is morally wrong in many circumstances;

2. I believe that 1. is highly dependent on setting, audience etc, but I don't think a mainstream comedien not specifically known for exactly that type of humour should EVER throw a rape joke into his set.

3. I believe that rape is a special case (there may be others) - its not that people might be offended that matters, I think that is irrelevant, its that a statistically significant and entirely blameless portion of the population might (and its not a small chance) be severely hurt by hearing the joke. I know one such person and I've seen the effect it has on her (she doesnt get angry, she deflates, withdraws and it kills me a little inside each time I see it and the teller of the joke doesnt notice).

4. I believe the "freedom of speech" arguement is a copout. Exercising your rights doesnt preclude you from being morally blameworthy for doing so. Sure you are ALLOWED to make rape jokes in the potential hearing of rape victims, but that doesnt mean you arent WRONG for doing so.

5. I believe the "don't listen to it if it hurts/offends you" arguement is a copout. You can't control what you hear short of living in cotton wool. 95% of standup comedy doesnt involve jokes about being raped or raping, why should you be forced to opt out of that so that in the remaining random 5% of cases a comedian can make a particularly sick joke.

6. I also believe, though this is entirely seperate to the above arguement, that rape jokes are a low form of humour. They rely solely on shock value, breaking tabboo - there is nothing inherently funny about them. If they didnt carry the risk of causing harm and offence, they wouldnt be funny - that, for me, is the nail in the coffin for rape jokes as a form of comedic art.


Inb4 cretins post rape jokes (I've seen them all, they dont offend me, I just pity you and anyone who inadvertantly reads them and is hurt).

[Diicc Tater]

A rapist, a pedophile and a catholic priest walks into a bar....

Agree on all point, really nothing to add other than some jokes you only tell when surrounded by people you really know. Part of the "fun" in them is the edge of what is and isn't OK, but only if those who hear it understands this and know you do so too.

[Zeekar]

Mostly going to play devils advocate here.

If you go that route you can replace rape jokes in your argument with:

- paedophile jokes
- murder jokes
- nationality jokes
- racist jokes
- minority jokes

Because they can all offend somebody deeply.

1. I genuinely believe that telling rape jokes publically is morally wrong in many circumstances

Your opinion, you are more then welcome to it but don't expect everybody to share it and don't try to enforce it to everybody.

2. I believe that 1. is highly dependent on setting, audience etc, but I don't think a mainstream comedien not specifically known for exactly that type of humour should EVER throw a rape joke into his set.

Comedians have a wide array of material and fair bit of it is offensive and they change it over time. You cant dictate what he should use as his material.

3. I believe that rape is a special case (there may be others) - its not that people might be offended that matters, I think that is irrelevant, its that a statistically significant and entirely blameless portion of the population might (and its not a small chance) be severely hurt by hearing the joke. I know one such person and I've seen the effect it has on her (she doesnt get angry, she deflates, withdraws and it kills me a little inside each time I see it and the teller of the joke doesnt notice).

It might be a special case since its a deep, very emotional tragic event that happens in someone's life. But a part of being an adult and living in a society is dealing with ass holes and what they say. I can understand that it hurts the person in question but people will be dicks and sadly thats a part of life.

4. I believe the "freedom of speech" arguement is a copout. Exercising your rights doesnt preclude you from being morally blameworthy for doing so. Sure you are ALLOWED to make rape jokes in the potential hearing of rape victims, but that doesnt mean you arent WRONG for doing so.

Sadly it is not. Morale is subjective what is offensive for somebody its not for somebody else. If you will always do what even potentially can't hurt any body you will never leave the house and will leave in a cocoon.

5. I believe the "don't listen to it if it hurts/offends you" arguement is a copout. You can't control what you hear short of living in cotton wool. 95% of standup comedy doesnt involve jokes about being raped or raping, why should you be forced to opt out of that so that in the remaining random 5% of cases a comedian can make a particularly sick joke.

It is his right to use material like that and if you know that he uses jokes like that it is completely your own fault for going to his show. Placing yourself intentionally in a position of discomfort is your fault not the comedian.

6. I also believe, though this is entirely seperate to the above arguement, that rape jokes are a low form of humour. They rely solely on shock value, breaking tabboo - there is nothing inherently funny about them. If they didnt carry the risk of causing harm and offence, they wouldnt be funny - that, for me, is the nail in the coffin for rape jokes as a form of comedic art.

Agreed.

[Aramendel]

It's really a general principle about jokes which involve potentially traumatic experiences, someone who has actually experienced those might be hurt by hearing them.

That being said, sometimes such jokes can be a coping mechanism too. It makes the subject at hand less "real" and therefore less gruesome. I.e. that Brevik-Farcry picture. Showing such a picture would still be deeply disrespectful to someone who has lost a loved on to that madman, but I can understand why someone made it (and laughed at it myself). If something is so bad you cannot really compute it you make jokes about it.

Mind, that does not excuse being so thoughtless not to take your surroundings into account when you tell them.

Personally I do not find rape jokes particulary funny either (except maybe "he dropped the soap" type ones), but I think this is to a fair amount because rape does not yet fall into my personal "too horrible to really comprehend" area. It is not yet black humor, just tasteless.

[Lallante]

Mostly going to play devils advocate here.

If you go that route you can replace rape jokes in your argument with:

- paedophile jokes
- murder jokes
- nationality jokes
- racist jokes
- minority jokes

Because they can all offend somebody deeply.

I said it wasn't about "offending" someone but rather hurting them. Criticising someones race or whatever is unlikely to hurt them even if it offends them unless, for example, it reminds them of a racially motivated attack on them in the past or some other trauma. The number of people this applies to will be low.

As many as 1 in 5 women in the UK are the victim of a rape or sexual assault at some point in their life (actually 1 in 5 was the number who have at the time of survey been the victime, the lifetime figure is therefore much higher). Its not some tiny minority who are affected so the risk of hurting someone is high.

The same arguement might be made of paedophilic abuse - it affects enough people that in a given audience there isnt a vanishingly small chance that someone will be hurt by it, but its a much lower chance than rape so the arguement is much weaker.

Its about balance here, not absolutes.

1. I genuinely believe that telling rape jokes publically is morally wrong in many circumstances

Your opinion, you are more then welcome to it but don't expect everybody to share it and don't try to enforce it to everybody.

That's just, like, your opinion man. I've not suggested enforcing it.

2. I believe that 1. is highly dependent on setting, audience etc, but I don't think a mainstream comedien not specifically known for exactly that type of humour should EVER throw a rape joke into his set.

Comedians have a wide array of material and fair bit of it is offensive and they change it over time. You cant dictate what he should use as his material.

Sigh. How is debating the morality of an action "dictating what [someone may do]?

3. I believe that rape is a special case (there may be others) - its not that people might be offended that matters, I think that is irrelevant, its that a statistically significant and entirely blameless portion of the population might (and its not a small chance) be severely hurt by hearing the joke. I know one such person and I've seen the effect it has on her (she doesnt get angry, she deflates, withdraws and it kills me a little inside each time I see it and the teller of the joke doesnt notice).

It might be a special case since its a deep, very emotional tragic event that happens in someone's life. But a part of being an adult and living in a society is dealing with ass holes and what they say. I can understand that it hurts the person in question but people will be dicks and sadly thats a part of life.

That's a ridiculous arguement. By the same token we shouldnt try to combat racial abuse, homophobia or any other "unpleasant" behaviour because "its part of life"...

4. I believe the "freedom of speech" arguement is a copout. Exercising your rights doesnt preclude you from being morally blameworthy for doing so. Sure you are ALLOWED to make rape jokes in the potential hearing of rape victims, but that doesnt mean you arent WRONG for doing so.

Sadly it is not. Morale is subjective what is offensive for somebody its not for somebody else. If you will always do what even potentially can't hurt any body you will never leave the house and will leave in a cocoon.

lol. absolutism. As I've said above its a matter of balance.

5. I believe the "don't listen to it if it hurts/offends you" arguement is a copout. You can't control what you hear short of living in cotton wool. 95% of standup comedy doesnt involve jokes about being raped or raping, why should you be forced to opt out of that so that in the remaining random 5% of cases a comedian can make a particularly sick joke.

It is his right to use material like that and if you know that he uses jokes like that it is completely your own fault for going to his show. Placing yourself intentionally in a position of discomfort is your fault not the comedian.

Of course its his right. You dont seem to be able to distinguish having the right to do something with whether it is right to do something. I have the right to tell an old lady on the street that she is going to die of old age and go to hell soon - its clearly morally abhorrant to do so.

[Ralara]

Entirely situational.

Bad idea to start telling them as casual conversation / small talk in the lobby of the hall showing the Vagina Monologues. Perfectly fine in a Frankie Boyle stand up show.

[DevilDude]

jokes are jokes, they're not meant to be taken seriously, IMO people who do take them seriously are looking for something to take offence at.

[Tarminic]

Honestly, I think there's a strong case that can be made that moral really isn't terribly subjective when it comes to this subject if we define immoral behavior as "something that triggers significant emotional trauma without any significant benefit or purpose". I think that rape can be distinguished from most other forms of "taboo" humor by two things:
1. The depth and intensity of the trauma
2. The degree to which rape is common

Yes, jokes about pedophilia and other forms of negative discrimination also have aspects of this, but I feel that rape is unique in that it is both common and its aftereffects are extremely powerful and long-lasting.

[Lallante]

It's really a general principle about jokes which involve potentially traumatic experiences, someone who has actually experienced those might be hurt by hearing them.

Actually my point was it isnt a general principle - it would be possible to find a theoretical person who would be traumatised by nearly ANY joke:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" "OH GOD A CHICKEN RAN ACROSS A ROAD AND PECKED MY NEWBORN CHILD TO DEATH FIVE YEARS AGO AND NOW IM RELIVING IT"

Instead my point is that a hugely significant proportion of the population suffers from rape/sexual assault at some point in my life, and the trauma from hearing such jokes can be fairly fairly severe. Its about balance, as I've mentioned, and with these jokes the likelihood of hurting someone is very high. As I've noted, its happened dozens of times in my hearing for the one friend I know about alone.

That being said, sometimes such jokes can be a coping mechanism too. It makes the subject at hand less "real" and therefore less gruesome. I.e. that Brevik-Farcry picture. Showing such a picture would still be deeply disrespectful to someone who has lost a loved on to that madman, but I can understand why someone made it (and laughed at it myself). If something is so bad you cannot really compute it you make jokes about it.

Surely whether jokes can be used as a coping mechanism for trauma is a decision that should solely be made by the person on whom the trauma was inflicted? Imposing jokes because they "might help you cope" is ridiculous. Note I'm not advocating "no more rape jokes ever" just "no rape jokes in public settings where such things are not necessarily expected by everyone listening".

Mind, that does not excuse being so thoughtless not to take your surroundings into account when you tell them.

True, but if there are women listening can you really be sure? If 3 women are present, statistically one or more of them is almost as likely as not (~49% chance) to have been a victim.

[Lallante]

Honestly, I think there's a strong case that can be made that moral really isn't terribly subjective

Lets not get into this in this thread but yes, when you examine it closeley noone but particularly extreme nihilists really believe morals are totally subjective - most people would either claim morals are objective (coming from god, or human nature or whatever) or subjective BUT held by a whole society or subset thereof. Its therefore perfectly legitimate to debate whether something is immoral, with the subtext that you are asking "in our society".

Throwing out "morals are subjective so that's just your opinion" is therefore a complete fallacy.

when it comes to this subject if we define immoral behavior as "something that triggers significant emotional trauma without any significant benefit or purpose". I think that rape can be distinguished from most other forms of "taboo" humor by two things:
1. The depth and intensity of the trauma
2. The degree to which rape is common

Yes, jokes about pedophilia and other forms of negative discrimination also have aspects of this, but I feel that rape is unique in that it is both common and its aftereffects are extremely powerful and long-lasting.

Exactly!!!

[Zeekar]

Mostly going to play devils advocate here.

If you go that route you can replace rape jokes in your argument with:

- paedophile jokes
- murder jokes
- nationality jokes
- racist jokes
- minority jokes

Because they can all offend somebody deeply.

I said it wasn't about "offending" someone but rather hurting them. Criticising someones race or whatever is unlikely to hurt them even if it offends them unless, for example, it reminds them of a racially motivated attack on them in the past or some other trauma. The number of people this applies to will be low.

As many as 1 in 5 women in the UK are the victim of a rape or sexual assault at some point in their life (actually 1 in 5 was the number who have at the time of survey been the victime, the lifetime figure is therefore much higher). Its not some tiny minority who are affected so the risk of hurting someone is high.

The same arguement might be made of paedophilic abuse - it affects enough people that in a given audience there isnt a vanishingly small chance that someone will be hurt by it, but its a much lower chance than rape so the arguement is much weaker.

Its about balance here, not absolutes.

So your argument boils down to there is a chance of hurting 10% of the population so you shouldn't do it? In that we should immediately drop jokes about sexual orientation since there is pretty much the same chance of hurting somebody as with rape victims.
The catch is simple. We expect people to be adults and to deal with assholes. You cant allow yourself to be hurt by idiots making jokes and this goes for rape victims as well. If you do you will go insane.
As you said its about balance and the simple balance is that there is simply too many assholes in the world for you to be hurt by every single one.

Honestly, I think there's a strong case that can be made that moral really isn't terribly subjective

Lets not get into this in this thread but yes, when you examine it closeley noone but particularly extreme nihilists really believe morals are totally subjective - most people would either claim morals are objective (coming from god, or human nature or whatever) or subjective BUT held by a whole society or subset thereof. Its therefore perfectly legitimate to debate whether something is immoral, with the subtext that you are asking "in our society".

Throwing out "morals are subjective so that's just your opinion" is therefore a complete fallacy.

when it comes to this subject if we define immoral behavior as "something that triggers significant emotional trauma without any significant benefit or purpose". I think that rape can be distinguished from most other forms of "taboo" humor by two things:
1. The depth and intensity of the trauma
2. The degree to which rape is common

Yes, jokes about pedophilia and other forms of negative discrimination also have aspects of this, but I feel that rape is unique in that it is both common and its aftereffects are extremely powerful and long-lasting.

Exactly!!!

Not everybody in a single society shares the single code of morale and from that view point it is subjective. You can take western society as a prime example. For some people abortion is murder for some its not.
And the paedophilia vs rape argument in regards in its rarity and after effects is on very shaky grounds. Both are too common for my taste and after effects can be extremely powerful and long lasting in both cases. So if jokes about one are morally objective they should be about the other as well.

[Lallante]

jokes are jokes, they're not meant to be taken seriously, IMO people who do take them seriously are looking for something to take offence at.

Trolling? Please explain to my friend, who literally has to immediately leave the room and takes at least an hour to put herself back together after hearing someone casually tell such a joke, that she is "just looking for something to take offence at".

Hint: she doesnt tell anyone else she is upset, she makes a polite excuse before she GTFOs - the teller of the joke never finds out unless a knowing 3rd person tells him (its almost always a him).

"Jokes are jokes, don't take them seriously" is great until you have psychological scars which are ripped open every time you hear one.

[Lallante]

Mostly going to play devils advocate here.

If you go that route you can replace rape jokes in your argument with:

- paedophile jokes
- murder jokes
- nationality jokes
- racist jokes
- minority jokes

Because they can all offend somebody deeply.

I said it wasn't about "offending" someone but rather hurting them. Criticising someones race or whatever is unlikely to hurt them even if it offends them unless, for example, it reminds them of a racially motivated attack on them in the past or some other trauma. The number of people this applies to will be low.

As many as 1 in 5 women in the UK are the victim of a rape or sexual assault at some point in their life (actually 1 in 5 was the number who have at the time of survey been the victime, the lifetime figure is therefore much higher). Its not some tiny minority who are affected so the risk of hurting someone is high.

The same arguement might be made of paedophilic abuse - it affects enough people that in a given audience there isnt a vanishingly small chance that someone will be hurt by it, but its a much lower chance than rape so the arguement is much weaker.

Its about balance here, not absolutes.

So your argument boils down to there is a chance of hurting 10% of the population so you shouldn't do it? In that we should immediately drop jokes about sexual orientation since there is pretty much the same chance of hurting somebody as with rape victims.
The catch is simple. We expect people to be adults and to deal with assholes. You cant allow yourself to be hurt by idiots making jokes and this goes for rape victims as well. If you do you will go insane.
As you said its about balance and the simple balance is that there is simply too many assholes in the world for you to be hurt by every single one.

Are you deliberately ignoring the balance of my arguement or just dense? The psychological trauma associated with being raped or sexually assaulted is ENORMOUS. Its a whole different ballgame from feeling discriminated against or bullied.

I think you must never have had to talk to or support a rape victim or you wouldnt spout this "tell the victims to be adults" "they shouldn't allow themselves to be hurt by it" offensive bullshit. I don't get annoyed on the internet often, but the ignorance displayed in your post is putting me pretty close.

[Tarminic]

So your argument boils down to there is a chance of hurting 10% of the population so you shouldn't do it? In that we should immediately drop jokes about sexual orientation since there is pretty much the same chance of hurting somebody as with rape victims.
The catch is simple. We expect people to be adults and to deal with assholes. You cant allow yourself to be hurt by idiots making jokes and this goes for rape victims as well. If you do you will go insane.
As you said its about balance and the simple balance is that there is simply too many assholes in the world for you to be hurt by every single one.

Do you feel the same way about doing things that would trigger PTSD in combat veterans?

[Lallante]

Entirely situational.

Bad idea to start telling them as casual conversation / small talk in the lobby of the hall showing the Vagina Monologues. Perfectly fine in a Frankie Boyle stand up show.

Tentatively agree. With Frankie Boyle, super offensive shock comedy is his "shtick" so you know what to expect. From more mainstream or even less mainstream but not known for their offensiveness comics? Not ok.

Frankie Boyle isn't funny and people who like his style of comedy tend to be antisocial morons though.

[Lallante]

So your argument boils down to there is a chance of hurting 10% of the population so you shouldn't do it? In that we should immediately drop jokes about sexual orientation since there is pretty much the same chance of hurting somebody as with rape victims.
The catch is simple. We expect people to be adults and to deal with assholes. You cant allow yourself to be hurt by idiots making jokes and this goes for rape victims as well. If you do you will go insane.
As you said its about balance and the simple balance is that there is simply too many assholes in the world for you to be hurt by every single one.

Do you feel the same way about doing things that would trigger PTSD in combat veterans?

He wakes them up with recorded gunfire, screaming and explosions every morning then tells them to HTFU while they rock back and forth crying.

[Tarminic]

Entirely situational.

Bad idea to start telling them as casual conversation / small talk in the lobby of the hall showing the Vagina Monologues. Perfectly fine in a Frankie Boyle stand up show.

Tentatively agree. With Frankie Boyle, super offensive shock comedy is his "shtick" so you know what to expect. From more mainstream or even less mainstream but not known for their offensiveness comics? Not ok.

I agree with this too. In situations like this, you can't really be involved without knowing what to expect, which allows you to not be in that situation if you know it could be a potential trigger.

[Roam]

Just a brief argument since I'm already late for an appointment, but like Lall I was a proponent of "all is fair in comedy" for a long while, until I heard some convincing arguments as to why that's bullshit.

In short: There are two components to the issue that are being ignored. First is the situational nature of comedy: ANY comic would agree that you have to play and know your audience. For example: it's commonly agreed that 9/11 jokes at a 9/11 memorial service with survivors would be in bad taste, or cancer jokes at a charity event for terminally ill children. I think we can all agree on this point.

The second point follows from the first, and is simply that the reality of rape prevalence is heavily underestimated and downplayed. Therefore, if your audience contains women, there's a much higher chance than commonly accepted that you are that you are doing the exact same thing as telling cancer jokes to a child suffering from cancer.

In the case of the recent Daniel Tosh controversy: He made a rape joke and had the "misfortune" of there being a rape victim in the audience who started crying, and "heckled" him by tearfully shouting out that "rape jokes aren't funny". He misinterpreted the situation (understandably assuming she was just a heckler, because society underestimates the likelihood of a woman having been made victim of a rapist), and tore into her under the assumption he was "punishing" a heckler. After a quip about how it would be hilarious if someone next to her stood up right there and then and would rape the shit out of her while everyone watched, she broke down and left the audience.

With the above example, I think the huge criticism aimed at Tosh for being an asshole isn't entirely justified. But it does indicate an underlying issue, reflected through the medium of comedy, that exists in our society: that rape is considered a rare occurence, akin to murder or airplane crashes or anything else that is rare enough that you aren't running a high risk of there constantly being a victim in your audience. In this case, the fact that the traumas of a woman who was raped are at its core considered at least partially illegitimate (not due to people saying "rape isn't a big deal" but because people say "rape isn't AS big a deal as it really is), the jokes hit home even harder.

A survivor of 9/11 might be able to laugh about a joke, but he or she has the security that it IS in fact meant to be humorous, because there is more than enough proof around them to indicate that society as a whole does care about their pain and suffering.

A woman who was raped and feels ostracized or that her trauma isn't taken seriously will find it much harder to distinguish between a joke that is sincerely meant to amuse, and a joke that perpetuates the pervasive notion that rape isn't as big a deal.

With that in mind, I can't really argue in favour of rape jokes anymore. Trauma can be a terrifying thing, and it's an inhuman thing to rid ourselves of any empathy for someone who went through something horrible. We may briefly laugh at the joker that told a 10 year old kid who won't live to reach 11 something brutally inconsiderate, but we all share a collective feeling that we're only laughing because we SHOULDN'T. Hence the "i'm going to hell for laughing at this" line.

The same applies to rape jokes, I think. It's funny if you've never been raped, but since a much larger number than commonly accepted HAS been raped it may not be such a morally responsible topic of dismissive jokes.

My two cents anyway.

[Zeekar]

Mostly going to play devils advocate here.

If you go that route you can replace rape jokes in your argument with:

- paedophile jokes
- murder jokes
- nationality jokes
- racist jokes
- minority jokes

Because they can all offend somebody deeply.

I said it wasn't about "offending" someone but rather hurting them. Criticising someones race or whatever is unlikely to hurt them even if it offends them unless, for example, it reminds them of a racially motivated attack on them in the past or some other trauma. The number of people this applies to will be low.

As many as 1 in 5 women in the UK are the victim of a rape or sexual assault at some point in their life (actually 1 in 5 was the number who have at the time of survey been the victime, the lifetime figure is therefore much higher). Its not some tiny minority who are affected so the risk of hurting someone is high.

The same arguement might be made of paedophilic abuse - it affects enough people that in a given audience there isnt a vanishingly small chance that someone will be hurt by it, but its a much lower chance than rape so the arguement is much weaker.

Its about balance here, not absolutes.

So your argument boils down to there is a chance of hurting 10% of the population so you shouldn't do it? In that we should immediately drop jokes about sexual orientation since there is pretty much the same chance of hurting somebody as with rape victims.
The catch is simple. We expect people to be adults and to deal with assholes. You cant allow yourself to be hurt by idiots making jokes and this goes for rape victims as well. If you do you will go insane.
As you said its about balance and the simple balance is that there is simply too many assholes in the world for you to be hurt by every single one.

Are you deliberately ignoring the balance of my arguement or just dense? The psychological trauma associated with being raped or sexually assaulted is ENORMOUS. Its a whole different ballgame from feeling discriminated against or bullied.

I think you must never have had to talk to or support a rape victim or you wouldnt spout this "tell the victims to be adults" "they shouldn't allow themselves to be hurt by it" offensive bullshit. I don't get annoyed on the internet often, but the ignorance displayed in your post is putting me pretty close.

I sadly know a few and the ones that are coping the best are the ones who dont let themselves be affected by idiots. It is something VERY VERY deep and tragic in someone life and they deserve all the support they need but sadly a part of life is dealing with assholes.
As for your friend, she needs counselling.

[Aramendel]

Actually my point was it isnt a general principle - it would be possible to find a theoretical person who would be traumatised by nearly ANY joke:...

See my "actually experienced them". I wasn't saying that every single joke should be handled the same way. I.e. I would be careful with Brevik jokes in Norway and careful with "My grandfather died in a KZ" jokes near (elderly) jews, etc.

The principle is "If you tell jokes about something what you consider possibly traumatic (aka basically everything connected with non-mutual violence) be careful who can hear them and if they might have experienced that violence in question personally.

Surely whether jokes can be used as a coping mechanism for trauma is a decision that should solely be made by the person on whom the trauma was inflicted?

I am not talking about the trauma victim. I do not think jokes are a good coping mechanism for those. For the victims themselves the best thing is probably "acceptance". Or, to elaborate "A bad thing has happened to me, I learned from it and did what I could to make it less likely to happen to me, life goes on".

Note: I am not implying with "make it less likely to happen" that it was the victims fault that something happened to her/him, I mean here stuff like doing self defense training or carrying pepper sprays.

I am talking about coping mechanism for people to whom this didn't happen, but who are still effected by it due to this thing called "empathy".

True, but if there are women listening can you really be sure? If 3 women are present, statistically one or more of them is almost as likely as not (~49% chance) to have been a victim.

That's kinda my point - I won't tell such jokes near women. Unless I know them reaaaally well, but even then I probably won't. Assuming I would find rape jokes funny.