Sexual encounters of the third degree

[kzig]

A complete list of my sexual encounters:

  Spoiler:

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how did that date with that internet chick go?

no potato?

I have never met a nicer aspiring young conservative vegetarian suffering from multiple chronic diseases.

[Jason Marshall]

Have to walk by couch to get a towel after a shower cause i forgot before i got in..

Wife grabs penis and guides it to her mouth. Stand their and receive oral for a few minutes.

Pick her up pull down her pajama pants have her get on her knees and lean to the back of the couch leaving her bent over at the perfect height.

Proceed to go get towel I originally ran out for.

I can never reconcile the sexual excursions/nude calendar photo and the germophobic/no sex for how ever many years sides of your girl.

It fascinates me. The human brain.

Also, I didnt actually go get the towel we had sex in that postition for like 30 minutes.

[Rans]

I walked in on my parents having sex, is that a sexual encounter?!?!

[marcus xero]

I walked in on my parents having sex, is that a sexual encounter?!?!

it depends...did you join in?

[Fara]

banged a chick in a hotel room with her best friend sleeping in the other bed crew checking in.
in the morning, i swapped beds and had some good early morning sex


I am quite sure they were really sleeping and didn't realize what happened. They both had boyfriends abroad, so I think they never told each other about cheating them. oh dear.

[lt]

banged a chick in a hotel room with her best friend sleeping in the other bed crew checking in.
in the morning, i swapped beds and had some good early morning sex


I am quite sure they were really sleeping and didn't realize what happened. They both had boyfriends abroad, so I think they never told each other about cheating them. oh dear.

Well played Sir, well played.

:TpTlk:

[Seamus]

As soon as I heard one of my comrades scream “QUAD BROKEN!", I knew that I was doomed. I charged forth in a panic, trying to fix the quad bike. Somehow the opposing team had surrounded us! My teammates ran shrieking into the depths of the paintball ground, the grunting lustful other team in swift pursuit. Soon I was alone.

I collapsed against a wall, panting raggedly. My paintball gun had nearly overheated, and my walkie-talkie was malfunctioning. No use even if they worked. By now, my whole squad was surely covered in paint.

Lost in my thoughts, I did not hear the guy creeping up on me. Stunned by a paintball to the head, I was thrown violently to the floor. The chap grunted in amusement, bending down and straddling my body. Dazed, I turned my head to look up at my enemy. The fellow was huge, well muscled and even attractive for his race. Right now the lad’s vibrant brown skin was flushing dark in arousal. I whimpered as I realized what was about to happen.

Summoning up my powers as an accountant, I bellowed in the Accountant's Rage and began to flail about under the man. The man simply grunting, riding me like a rodeo bull. Already weakened, I simply did not have the strength to dislodge the much heavier negro.

All that thrashing around served to arouse the dork further. His name was Geoff, and the friction as I flopped around between his muscular thighs was giving him quite a respectable hard-on. Geoff had meant to save me for his own squad, but he couldn’t wait any longer. Whipping out his own paintball gun, Geoff seared off the back of my armor, leaving my shining buttocks bare to the lad's lustful gaze.

I moaned in fear, my virgin asscheeks clapping firmly together to deny the spook entrance. Geoff simply laughed, ripping off his crude tribal loincloth to reveal a thick black meat pole, nearly 12 inches long. The man stuck one calloused finger down his throat, bringing up a thick vomit slurry which spattered down into the crack of my ass. Smearing the foul vomit around with one brutish paw, Geoff prepared my tender anus for playtime.

Much to Geoff's frustration, his cock was simply too large to fit inside my tight man cunt. He grunted furiously, screaming “GOSH DARN IT!" in his deep chocolatey voice as he battered his fuckmeat against my tightly sealed pleasure ring. Suddenly my portal gave way, and the swollen head of Geoff's cock popped through into the forbidden halls of my anus. Geoff’s pleased snort was drowned out by my scream of agony.

The darkie began to pump away in earnest, his bulging muscular hips and thighs slamming brutally against my ass. His heavy, furry balls slapped against my ass merrily, creating a calypso that pleased Geoff mightily. Blood, a thin smear of feces, and Geoff’s own oily yellow pre-cum lubricated my asshole until it was as hot and slippery as Geoff’s own mother’s cunt.

I was swiftly going into shock from the pain. My mind growing dim, I screamed “QUAD BROKEN! QUAD BROKEN!" over and over as the spade thrust brutally into my bruised insides. The guy's massive cock had caused a large degree of internal damage, and I was close to passing out from blood loss and fear. If my squad didn’t find me soon, I knew that I would soon die. My poor paintball gun discharged into the floor one final time, overheating from a mix of pleasure and agonizing pain.

I had been a good fuck for Geoff, but he needed something special to truly finish. Geoff’s heavy balls drew up close to his body, and he felt himself tensing, about to cum. As Geoff’s thick semen roiled up out of his cock and into my battered body, the nigger slammed his powerful hands shut around my neck. With a vicious jerk up and back, the chap crushed my windpipe and vertebrae, swiftly ending my life. my anus clamped shut around Geoff’s cock, the painful tightness almost causing the coloured to pass out.

Geoff roared out as he climaxed in dead me, his beautiful black cock pumping load after load of thick man jizzum into my lower intestine. The man pulled out as my anus slowly relaxed, releasing Geoff’s cock with a wet sucking sound. Geoff used the sleeve of my uniform to wipe the thick scum of blood, shit and cum from his swiftly withering black meat. With a satisfied grunt, Geoff walked slowly away from me.

My corpse lay cooling on the floor of the paintball ground, the painty remnants of my uniform stained dark with the foul fluids of both the man and myself.

Quad broken.

  Spoiler:

what did i just spend ten minutes doing

[Sparq]

  Spoiler:

what did i just spend ten minutes doing

  Spoiler:

Masturbating?

[Tellenta]

Am I the only one that reads the title like this? "sexual encounters of the third degree" = third degree = Burning = getting burned in sex means your partner gave you an STD = title means "Sexual encounters in which I caught an STD"

If so, am I weird?

edit: no I've never had an STD.

[halka]

My first thought was "Aliens!"

[Fourfingers frankie]

Am I the only one that reads the title like this? "sexual encounters of the third degree" = third degree = Burning = getting burned in sex means your partner gave you an STD = title means "Sexual encounters in which I caught an STD"

If so, am I weird?

edit: no I've never had an STD.

On the first hand i thought he was talking about drug rape or some such shit since thats rape in the third degree (or as I like to call it putting the sensual into none consensual).

[kzig]

My first thought was "Aliens!"

Yes, I rather think the OP meant to type 'of the third kind', after the film.

[cheeba]

banged my ex with her parents asleep in same room crew checkin in.

being a horny teen made me do cray shit

[Fourfingers frankie]

banged my ex with her parents asleep in same room crew checkin in.

being a horny teen made me do cray shit

She would have to be a low down skank to do that



























got her number?

[Nordstern]

Am I the only one that reads the title like this? "sexual encounters of the third degree" = third degree = Burning = getting burned in sex means your partner gave you an STD = title means "Sexual encounters in which I caught an STD"

I read it as more of a "close encounters of the third kind" thing.

First kind: Seeing naked person (strippers, private show, exposure)
Second kind: oral
Third kind: vaginal/anal

[Ralara]

3rd degree murder?

[gtphanta]

Not sexual but still embarrassing.

Was out clubbing with a friend, his g/f and his g/f's friend. I was designated driver cos I was the least drunk. He sat in the back seat with his mrs, and the other girl and I sat in front. We stopped for food at a burger place and then we're leaving and as I start reversing out the car park, the girl puts her hand across my leg/crotch. I got such a fright I dropped the clutch and accelerated backwards into another parked car.

Did I mention it was my friend's car?


True Story.

[Fara]

Not sexual but still embarrassing.

Was out clubbing with a friend, his g/f and his g/f's friend. I was designated driver cos I was the least drunk. He sat in the back seat with his mrs, and the other girl and I sat in front. We stopped for food at a burger place and then we're leaving and as I start reversing out the car park, the girl puts her hand across my leg/crotch. I got such a fright I dropped the clutch and accelerated backwards into another parked car.

Did I mention it was my friend's car?


True Story.

The word nerd comes to mind

[gtphanta]

Not sexual but still embarrassing.

Was out clubbing with a friend, his g/f and his g/f's friend. I was designated driver cos I was the least drunk. He sat in the back seat with his mrs, and the other girl and I sat in front. We stopped for food at a burger place and then we're leaving and as I start reversing out the car park, the girl puts her hand across my leg/crotch. I got such a fright I dropped the clutch and accelerated backwards into another parked car.

Did I mention it was my friend's car?


True Story.

The word nerd comes to mind

Haha so true - that was 14 years ago though... I'm a lot more confident now (but in no way more successful)

[Lallante]

Was I the only one hoping this was about people burning to death while having sex? Maybe I'm just wierd.