[Advice requested] Who manages the Managers?

[Mike deVoid]

I work as a contractor (Data Analyst) on a project; I've been there for ~6 months so far and the project will likely run until the end of 2013. I line into 2 managers and I'm having a problem with just one of them.

Put succinctly: She routinely appears to dismiss suggestions that I make out of hand. She occasionally treating me like I am stupid when I ask questions. She appears to see any use of my initiative as a threat to her authority and seeks to quash it.

I've come to the conclusion that this is because her a lack of experience/training on how to manage people combined with a small clash of personality/communication style. I may be the bottom rung here, but I don't like or put up with being pushed around.

On the other hand she does public acknowledge my talent and expertise in my job, saying that I'd be a serious loss to the project.

I see 4 ways of going forward

1/ Get manager to become aware of her deficiencies and get some training/mentor feedback
2/ Take no action and hope it gets better
3/ Learn how to shut up and put up with being pushed around and belittled
4/ Think outside the box and Learn how to manage my Manager

The first isn't particularly feasible. The second and third are pathetic. However I have no idea how to do the forth.

Obviously, in an ideal world I'd be able to click my fingers and have her communication style changed. I think that the essential content of what she is saying is probably accurate, it's the words and the way it is said that I find objectionable.

But I think the key here is the opposite - it's changing *my* communication style so that my actions and words come across in an acceptable manner, even if the content is essentially the same.

How do I enable myself to have some initiative without my manager's reaction to be one of essentially "You shouldn't have made that decision." - even when they are only really minor things and I always get these decisions checked before they are submitted anyway?
How do I deal with (or change) my manager's belittling of my clarifying questions?


Am I even thinking in the right direction here? Should I just suck it up and admit/fix my 'attitude problem'?

[Rans]

If you think what she says makes sense and only hate the way she does it then you pretty much have to suck it up. On the other hand if she shoots down good ideas just to protect her insecure ass, you need to take action.

[Ralara]

im doing a similar thing to you (and in the same position, more or less) on monday

How i do it? I gathered the entire team, worked out "the fix" which was ENTIRELY POSITIVE towards the company and its goals as well as my manager - without bitching, and am presenting it to him, his manager and the CIO of the company.

honestly - it's a gamble. I'll walk out successful or I'll be fired.

[EchoEpsilon23]

Kiss their Ass (metaphorically) always works for me.

[Tyrus Tenebros]

Obligatory "fuck her brains out to establish dominance" reply

Srs though, I worked with process adoption/organizational (workplace) psychology a fair bit while getting my master's ... the "easy" answer is that in order to change a behavior you have to discover both the motivation foe the incorrect behavior and an appropriate personal motivator to pursue a new behavior.

For example: from what did this behavior stem? Is there a root event or trigger that makes her single you out for this treatment? Are you aware of whether she is pursuing an end goal or is merely oblivious?

And then: what, exactly, is the desired outcome? "Don't do this" is an insufficient motivator for change, a viable and believable alternative must be provided.

And finally. Why or what can you do to ensure all parties see the outcome as desirable? Depending on why she's doing it in the first place... is your new behavior a better way to achieve her desired outcome?


Most of this SEEMS pretty basic when stated flat out but it's really astonishing once you get in to it howboften basic human motivational traits aren't fully incorporated in an analysis.


Tl:dr.... "be" her. Completely adopt he'd perspective and figure out from that view how to change it.

[Varcaus]

Kill her staple her face to yours live in her house drive her car take her pay.

[RoemySchneider]

stick it in her pooper

amidointgisrite?

[Sponk]

Do not attempt

1/ Get manager to become aware of her deficiencies and [s]get some training/[s] mentor feedback

without laying out a clear plan of how you will attempt to manage the situation.

One way would be to note that you two seem to be clashing due to her feeling that you're undermining her authority by taking the initiative (spinning it this way to the boss)

Then you say you'll arrange a meeting with you and her (note to the boss that you would prefer to leave him out of it at this stage) to discuss the problem, where you will say that you and her are both on the same side so from now on you'll run all suggested changes past her first, so you have the opportunity to give a pros and cons spiel in private and put up a united front in public.

This does a few things:

1. You get to present your side of the story to bosses boss in the guise of keeping him in the loop
2. You evade claims of usurping your bosses authority
3. From now on, you have a record of suggestions you made (since you need notes to present to her), and get to write down the reasons she vetoes stuff, for the nuclear option if it comes to a head and your bosses boss gets pulled in to mediate.

ofc I'm terrible at this so I might be entirely wrong, but generally the idea of giving someone enough rope to hang themselves works pretty well.

[Sakura Nihil]

May I suggest...

http://games.adultswim.com/five-minu...line-game.html

But in all seriousness, as someone who has taken a risk or two in my career to have it pay off well, I'd ask yourself the following question:

When you wake up in the morning, do you say "I fucking hate work" or "meh, I want another hour of sleep".

If it's the latter, you're just annoyed, harden the fuck up and endure. If you're really hating your life every day you wake up, then you need to be true to yourself first - if this is the case, try and talk to your boss when they're in a good mood, and do it in person. Be honest and frank with them, but don't rattle off a laundry list of things you want otherwise you'll leave - thinking of it as a hostage negotiation means you've already lost.

Focus on one, big thing rather than a laundry list - for example, initiative. Ask for her permission to take more initiative, pointing out that when the decision isn't black and white, you'll run it by her first - the angle is essentially to say "you're in command, and I want to help us both out by saving you time and me the hassle of asking the same questions over and over, but it's your choice". If she isn't willing to budge on the point, then you took your best shot at it, and if it's intolerable, then at least you tried, and if it works, you can prove you're a trustworthy subordinate and in turn they'll be more willing to listen to you in the future.

Keep something in mind - as the manager, she's responsible for the ultimate quality of the product - some people have a hands off approach, some people are micromanagers. You seem to have one of the latter - while I doubt you'll ever be free of them breathing down your neck, if you show you're trustworthy they'll likely prioritize scrutiny on others first. Remember why people tend to micromanage in leadership positions though - because if you mess up, they're just as responsible as you are, and if they're ambitious, they won't lightly trust you with the future of their career.

Just some sleepy thoughts.

[Leboe]

You're a contractor. They don't have to give a fuck about you.

[Nordstern]

You're a contractor. They don't have to give a fuck about you.

Pretty much this. I would suggest talking to the liaison between your firm and your manager's.

[Takon Orlani]

I find it's hard to change people.

Best just suck it up and try alternative outlets for your ideas.

[Sparq]

cut her brake cables

[Dogbeast]

Seduce her.

[Lana Torrin]

You're a contractor. They don't have to give a fuck about you.

Supprised it took till the 10th post for someone to point this out.

[walrus]

Seduce her.

In a jacuzzi and/or sauna.

Make a thread about how it worked.

[Amantus]

Kill her staple her face to yours live in her house drive her car take her pay.

[Rodj Blake]

Bitch about her on FHC daythreads.

[Maximillian]

Simply be professional. One thing you need to learn is that you'll often have to work with people you have issues with. As long as they are not trying to fuck you over or stopping you from doing your work then you don't have a problem.

[balistic void]

You're a contractor. They don't have to give a fuck about you.

And you don't have to give a fuck about them, so long as they keep paying you ofc.

As a contractor you should care about your next contract, rather than looking for advancement within your current one. This is the big advantage of contracting, as in IT the best way to get payrise is to switch employers (customers in our case).