Introducing statement: I am dentophobic (I made that word up). What I want to say is that my worst fears in life evolve around the thought of visiting a dentist. Because of that, I haven't been to one in more than 20 years. I very much intend to keep it that way.
Now to the point:
Because of my above posted fear I am rather obsessed with my teeth and their state of cleanness. Whenever I can I brush my teeth after eating, I regularly use dental floss and I gargle dental fluid at least once a day.
Now comes the but:
But, I am a rather heavy smoker (about a pack a day) and I pour coffee in cans during the day. Therefore my lower front teeth are picking up a bit of a brownish color. Not much, really, but way enough to annoy me.
Therefore I need your advice:
What do to keep teeth white?
Only nonoption: DENTIST!
Possible options: Sulfuric acids, white wall paint, nuclear toothpaste, anything that gets the job done.