I suck with girls and nobody understands me (wait-married (for now)) EMO MEGATHREAD 3

[Lallante]

Tarm you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

[I Legionnaire]

We discovered our mutual hatred of ... bros.

What?

I thought this would be obvious...

In what world is 9 hours of film a good second date?

Yeah it's actually like five hours, and "watching a movie" is a euphimism anyway.

[Tarminic]

Tarm breaking someone's trust in a relationship is a little like getting someone pregnant - you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

Are you saying that all instances of breaking someone's trust are equally harmful?

[Lallante]

Tarm breaking someone's trust in a relationship is a little like getting someone pregnant - you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

Are you saying that all instances of breaking someone's trust are equally harmful?

I'm saying the actual act might be more or less morally abhorrant, but a relationship in which the trust is broken is just as fucked regardless of the seriousness of the catalyst.

[Cool09]

Tarm breaking someone's trust in a relationship is a little like getting someone pregnant - you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

Are you saying that all instances of breaking someone's trust are equally harmful?

I'm saying the actual act might be more or less morally abhorrant, but a relationship in which the trust is broken is just as fucked regardless of the seriousness of the catalyst.

That's one mighty large brush you have there, which is odd considering your gf slept with another dude.. but only a little.

[Tarminic]

Tarm breaking someone's trust in a relationship is a little like getting someone pregnant - you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

Are you saying that all instances of breaking someone's trust are equally harmful?

I'm saying the actual act might be more or less morally abhorrant, but a relationship in which the trust is broken is just as fucked regardless of the seriousness of the catalyst.

I wasn't aware that we were talking about the consequences to someone's relationship. I was only ever talking about what justifies labeling someone as a "bad person".

People make mistakes and fuck up, but it doesn't automatically make them terrible people. Drunk 2nd-base groping and having a month-long affair occupy very different spots on my personal scale of behavior.

Perhaps I should have clarified by saying that I was explicitly referring to how either event reflects on someone's character.

[Lallante]

Tarm breaking someone's trust in a relationship is a little like getting someone pregnant - you can't "partially break someone's trust" any more than you can be "a bit pregnant".

Are you saying that all instances of breaking someone's trust are equally harmful?

I'm saying the actual act might be more or less morally abhorrant, but a relationship in which the trust is broken is just as fucked regardless of the seriousness of the catalyst.

I wasn't aware that we were talking about the consequences to someone's relationship. I was only ever talking about what justifies labeling someone as a "bad person".

People make mistakes and fuck up, but it doesn't automatically make them terrible people. Drunk 2nd-base groping and having a month-long affair occupy very different spots on my personal scale of behavior.

Perhaps I should have clarified by saying that I was explicitly referring to how either event reflects on someone's character.

Oh right, well then we definitely, obviously agree (or else I wouldnt still be with my gf would I?)

[mira o'karr]

back from the wedding. fantastic weekend.
didnt understand a word but international sign language of thumbs up, hand to the heart and not refusing a single vodka made us fit right in.
i think i impressed the girl i went with as she at some stage whispered in my ear that she shouldn't but is starting to fall for me. the bride who she is best friends with also seemed to approve.
a new suit and not being afraid to make a fool of yourself when it comes to dancing polka or being married off to a 10 year old chubby girl helped i guess (dont ask... some local tradition about the "woman" who catches the brides veil and the man who catches the grooms tie. i swear that thing landed in my hand in slow motion and all i could think was "no, please... dear god".)
we both missed our trains home and she asked me to come with her. so i upgraded us into a sleeping car and took the 10 hour ride home with her. stayed for a day and flew back.
was the most romantic weekend i have had in ... i think ever.

now i m sitting here drinking duty free whiskey after we had a huge fight over the phone during which i hung up on her because i got so fed up.
it was about something silly at her work place which we had spoken about before and on which i had given her my detailed opinion as well as some pretty solid advise how to defuse the situation and get out of it being the winner, looking smart towards management and pushing work to another team instead of hers.
any way, she kept bringing up her "ex", the guy who she just cant see for the douche that he is and i snapped, didnt even mention that to her and i dont think that she realised that it was the reason. i hung up at the 3rd mention "but my ex said that probably i should...". not only was his advise retarded (big suprise there..) but i am confused why she is suddenly talking to him again or rather why he is talking to her after ignoring her for 4 months straight.
i am having the sneaking suspicion that she would fall for his games again

conflicted as how to continue or if at all.

[Lallante]

Not unreasonable tbh. Its a shame its not obvious to her that he is the issue.

[Tarminic]

now i m sitting here drinking duty free whiskey after we had a huge fight over the phone during which i hung up on her because i got so fed up.
it was about something silly at her work place which we had spoken about before and on which i had given her my detailed opinion as well as some pretty solid advise how to defuse the situation and get out of it being the winner, looking smart towards management and pushing work to another team instead of hers.

Sounds like the classic communication issue where she just wanted to vent and you were trying to solve the problem.

any way, she kept bringing up her "ex", the guy who she just cant see for the douche that he is and i snapped, didnt even mention that to her and i dont think that she realised that it was the reason. i hung up at the 3rd mention "but my ex said that probably i should...". not only was his advise retarded (big suprise there..) but i am confused why she is suddenly talking to him again or rather why he is talking to her after ignoring her for 4 months straight.
i am having the sneaking suspicion that she would fall for his games again

I wouldn't immediately bail or not, but be honest with her that you're not going to enjoy hearing about her ex's opinions on...well, anything really. That being said, if her ex has been in her life for awhile and she considers him a friend you can't expect her to cut him off at your behest.

[mira o'karr]

her "ex" was never "that in to her"

i think they didnt really spent more than a week together over the course of a 2 month period.
he chatted her up. got the what he wanted. then didnt speak to her for months all the while she was in love with him for the duration.
i think she has a serious case of the dumb when it comes to him. according to her the sex wasnt even all that great so probably it is not that.

i think i mentioned earlier in the thread that she dumped her emotions on me at lunch at work quite often and in the evenings via skype.
conversations that pretty much went like <3 page essay on how awesome he is and why doesnt he text me back, i love him so much> and me going "hm... you know... i think you were just a fuck to him"
<3 page essay on how he is so misunderstood, every one thinks that he is womanizer but really he is not> and me going "clearly not..."

i didnt really expect to end up with her when i went over to visit but fancied the idea as she is ... how do you brits say? fit ?
initially i had planned a visit to meet up with her as well as other former workmates (we outsourced to their company and i did most of the organisational stuff and nitty gritty so got to know pretty much everyone at that company). we ended up together on my first night out. well, i had a bit of a suspicion when she asked me in advance to stay at her place for the time.

on the communication issue. i dont even think it is that. she vents a lot and i just sponge that up and comfort her. no biggie. but at the same time i give her feedback on a lot of stuff work related she asks about as i know both her company and their client. i know all the people she is dealing with on a daily basis and i know how to handle them. this was a specific case and i had even written her the email to address the issue with every one involved which was very diplomatic yet straight up and she actually used it.

[FatFreddy]

she sounds fucking dumb

in other news, my grandparents are getting really old - too old - now and I postponed visits for the last....years...and now am kicking myself for being a lazy grandson

Have to book a flight and realise my personal history session + videocamera with my grandpa (who first fled the red army, then fled the DDR 30 years later with grandma) before they both or my grandma (who has been deteroriating for a while, but it's getting faster...) dies and/or they are too stricken by old age. Mums considerably affected by this, and I, too am shying away from dealing with it, apart from the fact we're ~1000km away.

[mira o'karr]

good on ya freddy. always regretted that i was too busy with myself and took my grandparents for granted and only literally caught up with grandma on her deathbed

and yea. the more i get through this whiskey the dumber she sounds.
still hoping for a summer of passion. might take her with me to rome next week but it might be awkward as i m visiting my sister.

[Cool09]

good on ya freddy. always regretted that i was too busy with myself and took my grandparents for granted and only literally caught up with grandma on her deathbed

and yea. the more i get through this whiskey the dumber she sounds.
still hoping for a summer of passion. might take her with me to rome next week but it might be awkward as i m visiting my sister.

Did you piitb yet?

[mira o'karr]

piitb?


edit: if that means what i think it does than... no and not sure i want to.

[Lallante]

She doesn't sound very awesome. She sounds pretty immature and high maintenance and clingy and insecure and shit.

She also sounds like exactly the sort of person who cheats repeatedly and is able to rationalise it to themselves.

[Zeekar]

The reason its still not ok to get with someone who you know to be cheating is that even though you may not know or care about their boyfriend or husband you do know the girl, and by facilitating them cheating on their husband/bf you are helping ruin their relationship. One would also hope you wouldn't get with someone you really don't give a fuck about the happiness and wellbeing of.

Unless you are a sociopath or a collosal douchebag, "not my problem what happens to their relationship" or "if she is willing to cheat with me, its bound to happen with someone else sooner or later" is a pathetic cop-out akin to "I was only following orders" or "If I hadn't done it, someone else still would have".

You are able to apply moral judgement, should be able to empathise at least with the girl if not the guy, and therefore are wrong for not doing so.

Of course the flipside of this is its fine to do this if you are sure that ending the relationship is the best thing for the girl (and you dont care about the guy). This can't be a casual assessment though. Also if the reason you are doing it is you want a relationship with her, you should man up and demand she ends it with him first (i.e. have some self-respect and backbone).


The final argument is that if everyone takes a "not my problem" attitude then sooner or later someone will do it to you, and you don't want that do you.

Sorry but this is a load of bullshit, if one party in the relationship is cheating on the other the relationship is pretty much dead, the only person responsible is the party who cheated AND nobody else. My moral judgment only affects my own actions and nobody elses and if this happend to me the only person responsible would be my girlfriend not the guy she fucked.

And you cant have a relationship with a cheater since the only shure thing in that relationship is that she/ he will cheat on you.

[Sacul]

So dear emofred,
Tell me if im wrong or i need to up my meds.

Story of me and gf is known, i assume.
Project we worked on ended on my side may first.
Since she was on sick leave i couldnt finish up. And i hate that.
So after postponing for 8 workdays (week and a half) another project leader and i decided today that we wanted to move on. 1 because he wants the lessons learned and 2 because its basicly the second day i come in to a office in my free time.
She made it clear before she didnt want to hear about projects or work. Well fine but she found we did the intervision and she just blew off the handle.

Besides the relationship thing i dont think i did anything wrong on the pro level. She even went as far as going to rr in another house without telling me but suddenly i have to notify her if one of her collegues and i want to progress with work.

Just venting but im stupified, altho im not given her burnout ...

I should have stayed on dick duty....uggh this is why i came to hate relationships ffs

[Sponk]

I'm confused.

Who did she remote rep in another house?

[Tarminic]

So dear emofred,
Tell me if im wrong or i need to up my meds.

I'm going to try and translate this into a slightly more-readable format.

So, dear Emo Megathread,
Tell me if I'm wrong or if I need to increase my medication level.

The story of me and my girlfriend (who is also my coworker) is known, I assume.

I completed all of my obligations regarding a project at work. She was also working with me on this project. As she has been on sick leave, her lack of showing up at work has prevented me from wrapping up the project properly, something that I strongly dislike.

So, after postponing the completion of this project for 8 work days (a week and a half), another project leader and I decided today that we wanted to move on. Firstly, because he wants to understand the lessons learned from this endeavor, and secondly because for two days now I have come into the office [UNABLE TO PARSE MEANING]*.

Now, previously, she had made it clear that she did not want to discuss work matters while she was on sick leave. However, upon finding out that the project had been completed by myself and someone else, she flew off the handle.

My relationship with her aside, I do not feel as if I have done anything wrong on a professional level. She even went so far as to [UNABLE TO PARSE MEANING]** without letting me know, but she suddenly expects me to inform her if a colleague and I want to pick up work-related slack caused indirectly by her being on sick leave.

While I do not post this with the intention of obtaining decisive advice, I am puzzled to the point of mental incapacitation. Though I do not appear to have [UNABLE TO PARSE MEANING]***.

I should have avoided serious romantic engagements and focused on purely carnal pleasures! This is why I have come to dislike complex interpersonal entanglements, for fucks sake.

*This is either him having to work extra or having nothing to do at work due to the girlfriend being sick

**This is either some work-related jargon, or his girlfriend plays EVE and is repairing someone else's outposts

***She really hates the Burnout racing games?