I suck with girls and nobody understands me (wait-married (for now)) EMO MEGATHREAD 3

[Djan Seriy Anaplian]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

[DanFraser]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

After my experience with a few drugged housemates, friends and so on, beat the shit out of them and tell them to grow up. Nicey nicey does not work, no matter what 'qualified' support workers say.

[Lallante]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

Talk to him again. Try and convince him to delete his dealers numbers from his phone and give you his stash for safekeeping (hide it well, or just bin it). Convince him to do stuff to make it harder for him to relapse. If he cant, do it for him.

This is a difficult one, particularly because unlike say, heroin, its perfectly possible to casually use all the other drugs you've mentioned. The worrying information is that he is doing it daily by the sound of it.

The good news is although it is self-destructive behaviour he is not likely to kill himself with the drugs you have mentioned (though he will be doing his bladder some serious damage if he is taking several grams of k a week). I have known people go through worse binge periods and come out on their own accord, pretty much unscathed.

Is he failing law school? Is this in London?

It sounds like you need to talk to him, regularly. Suggest you help him monitor his progress back to health (this wont actually take that much effort, just make 5 mins a day to check on him and see if he has done any that day). Rather than encouraging him to quit, first you could try getting him to scale back to Friday and Saturday night, then to just one or the other, then every second weekend and so on.

Tell him you are really worried about him.

[Raine Woot]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

What Lall said, see if you can just get him to cut back a bit. Is there some reason he's drastically escalating? Do your best to have him hang out with friends outside the flat in environments that promote, say, drinking and talking but not hard drugs. I wouldn't worry too much unless he's damaging his life (failing classes/missing work,) affecting others (late on rent, treating people badly, not giving a fuck about your concerns,) or his health is seriously at risk.

Ask him if he plans to let up soon, or run himself into the ground, if he wants to stop but can't, etc.

[Djan Seriy Anaplian]

Myself and my other flatmate are on tc's, currently at the college of law - he is going for the bar, currently at SOAS. He's in his final year and his attendance is so low that the university is considering not allowing him to take his exams, we all spoke to him today in an intervention-esque manner and his response was typical: 'yeh yeh i know, i've decided not to take anything anymore - look, i'm doing my essay now'. It wouldn't be so 'disappointing' (i hate that word) if he didn't actually have a shot at the bar, the fact is that he's incredibly bright/verbose/charming etc.... Failing uni would be an utter waste of talent. In-terms of what has caused this i can only really think of depression, and that is what is confusing me because as a person he exhibits none of the outward signs of typical depression (at least as i understand them). He's seems quite content with life, at the worst he's simply apathetic. We've all agreed that a big part of the problem is that there isn't anyone who he listens to on a personal level, he's not a loner but since he was 15 (when his father died very suddenly) he's always taken care of himself and as such while he might listen to us politely i'm pretty sure he thinks that 'he knows best'.

[Lallante]

You probably need to take actual action then if you are sure he doesnt "want" to stop, for example by taking his stash and deleting his dealers numbers.

I hope he understands that if he doesn't get a first he is pretty much fucked as a barrister, whatever shit people may tell you.

Maybe the above is actually WHY he keeps taking so much drugs.

You need to try and get him to open up.

[Mynxee]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

Using at that level sounds to me like he's well past any chance of getting a handle on his drug use through self control, fear of consequence, or being guilted out by friends talking to him. He needs professional help with this. Are there no resources he can take advantage of through your uni or in your community (assuming there is no money to seek care with private medical professional)?

[Lallante]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but i'm out of ideas and thought you guys might be able to help. Over the last couple of months it has become readily apparent that my flatmate has a drug-problem, this has manifested itself in extreme lethargy over the last week or so (he never gets out of bed before 12 and is despondent when spoken to). He's always been a pretty habitual user of ketamine but in the last few weeks or so this has ramped up massively to include everything bar heroine. To illustrate, it has come to the point where he's taking entire grams himself and is further mixing it with coke/mdma, it's difficult for me and my other flatmate to do anything as we simply don't have the time. All of us are in final year of law school making time a premium, i've already sat him down and spoken to him frankly about it and whilst he agreed to stop obviously he did not; because of this i'm pretty sure an intervention won't work.
It's very difficult for me to gauge how i respond to this as he is a very close friend and watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

Using at that level sounds to me like he's well past any chance of getting a handle on his drug use through self control, fear of consequence, or being guilted out by friends talking to him. He needs professional help with this. Are there no resources he can take advantage of through your uni or in your community (assuming there is no money to seek care with private medical professional)?

He needs professional help with the depression that is causing the drug use, sure. The drug use itself is just symptomatic.

[Sponk]

Sounds like he's burnt out and trying to coast through the end of his degree (he won't) and he knows he won't, hence escapism via drugs.

He needs someone to show him an exit to the maze he's in, because obi he can't find his way out so far.

Also hi mynxee

[Djan Seriy Anaplian]

Going to try an proper intervention either tonight or tomorrow, i'll emphasize that if he doesn't stop now then we will all take steps to physically remove the drugs from him. On thing i haven't mentioned is his job - which is where i'm sure all of this stemmed from - at a gay bar in soho, he's constantly exposed to drugs when he works so even if we make a concerted effort to physically remove temptation then i'm not sure it will do anything at all.

[Cool09]

Get him to bartend at an old person pub instead?

[Mynxee]

Going to try an proper intervention either tonight or tomorrow, i'll emphasize that if he doesn't stop now then we will all take steps to physically remove the drugs from him. On thing i haven't mentioned is his job - which is where i'm sure all of this stemmed from - at a gay bar in soho, he's constantly exposed to drugs when he works so even if we make a concerted effort to physically remove temptation then i'm not sure it will do anything at all.

And of course, at the end of the day he actually has to WANT to stop using. If he doesn't, no amount of force or coercion will accomplish anything.

[Rans]

Get his family, that will wake him up for sure.

[Lallante]

Get his family, that will wake him up for sure.

Thats a last resort.

[XenosisReaper]

Get his family, that will wake him up for sure.

This has a high chance of making things worse, depending on his family situation

[Djan Seriy Anaplian]

That highlights the next complication, his father is dead and he is distant with his mother. He's virtually independent and has been so for quite some time - because of this there isn't a member of the family that has any influence over him.

[Malcanis]

Going to try an proper intervention either tonight or tomorrow, i'll emphasize that if he doesn't stop now then we will all take steps to physically remove the drugs from him. On thing i haven't mentioned is his job - which is where i'm sure all of this stemmed from - at a gay bar in soho, he's constantly exposed to drugs when he works so even if we make a concerted effort to physically remove temptation then i'm not sure it will do anything at all.

And of course, at the end of the day he actually has to WANT to stop using. If he doesn't, no amount of force or coercion will accomplish anything.

This. If he's agreeing to stop just to get you to shut up about it, then no way in hell will he keep that promise.

[FatFreddy]

And of course, at the end of the day he actually has to WANT to stop using. If he doesn't, no amount of force or coercion will accomplish anything.

this

I had written a post, then I deleted it because it became mixed up with *personalexperience* but my tl;dr 2cents for this is still: you come first, if trouble arises or the situation drains you which will happen very quickly, don't be shy to regard the friendship as over with all that comes with it (like kicking him out). Judge him by his actions, 100% and harshly. Right now, nothing he says means anything.

You have a polytoxicomanic depressed loose social cannon in your house which is able to leave massive trails of destruction, or better, already does:

watching him spiral into oblivion is making me passive-depressed, but i'm now at a loss on what action myself/mutual friends can take.

In the end, nothing. So, prepare your anus and prepare yourself to ditch him.

[definatelynotKKassandra]

And of course, at the end of the day he actually has to WANT to stop using. If he doesn't, no amount of force or coercion will accomplish anything.

Basically. Although locking him in a basement for the rest of life would probably work, so there is a level of coercion that would work...

[Malcanis]

And of course, at the end of the day he actually has to WANT to stop using. If he doesn't, no amount of force or coercion will accomplish anything.

Basically. Although locking him in a basement for the rest of life would probably work, so there is a level of coercion that would work...

That wouldn't stop him being addicted. It's worth noting that more people leave prison addicted to drugs than enter.