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Thread: The Serious Mental Health Thread

  1. #21
    Donor EchoEpsilon23's Avatar
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    I can say now that the best way to get over depression and suicidal thoughts, it's not by ignoring it (that's worse) or dwelling on it (bad) but by accepting it and moving on from it. And that's the hardest part is coming to terms to Depression and moving from it, I can't explain how you do that but you have to come terms with who you are, but in my own experience without that you are stuck in a binge versus purge cycle, and sometimes you can't break that cycle.

    What I mean by a binge versus purge cycle, is that at certain points you start binge spree of negative thoughts or whatever, and you eventually purge it away. It almost sounds like a Bipolarism now that I think of it, but it's over a much longer time and has more significant implications than that. You are either trying to rid yourself of the dark thoughts with yourself or your delving fully in the dark thoughts of depression and suicide.

    On the topic of suicide, it's been discussed whether or not it's the cowardly way out or if it's easy. I think those that commit suicide are neither foolish or cowardly, neither smart or dumb, it's not sad it's just how it is. In my own person experience suicide is not easy, in the 28 times I have tried to commit suicide starting when I was ten, I have never over-ride my basic survival instincts thus I still live here.

    But unfornuately for myself depression, even after I have accepted myself and moved on it creeps back like a long lost puppy, biting at your ankles for you to indulge it, to jump in the dark maelstrom and loose yourself in chaos. Maybe that won't happen, maybe it will.

    I guess what I'm saying, I understand where your coming from and from my experience, the pain doesn't go away it just hibernates and sprouts time to time.

  2. #22
    Raine Woot's Avatar
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    Buceph's post specifically up there resonated with me. It took a therapist saying something rather similar to kick me in the ass.

    I was pretty depressed (self diagnosis, grain of salt etc.) from middle school to a year or so after high school, culminating in leeching off my parents, unemployed, and feeling like I'd prefer to just fail at life and kill myself rather than put in the effort to turn it all around. I hated myself, I looked at others living their lives and getting on with it and couldn't imagine how they did it. For me, being hard on myself made me too afraid and lazy to try. When this was pointed out to me, and she said "You have to forgive yourself," I did, and it made all the difference. Self-hate for any reason is like carrying the weight of the world on your back. Even if you hurt someone, even if you did something really awful, you have to forgive yourself so you can move on. If it means making reparations or seeking forgiveness from someone else, do that. Either way, you can't be so hard on yourself or you'll never think it's worth it to give it another shot.

    Also getting a job, even if you hate it, is an important stepping stone and it's infinitely better than be unemployed.

  3. #23
    dstopia's Avatar
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    On the matter of meds vs therapy i take escitalopram, 10 mg, and visit my psych every week on thursday.
    Holy shit Sacul it's like you're me. I take the exact same medication and see the shrink the exact same days.

    In my case, I started taking pills this year after 8 months of therapy that were leading me nowhere. After starting on them I felt like a changed man. There's still a lot I need to deal with, but I feel so much calmer now.

    And I was extremely weary of taking that kind of drugs. I feel like I should have done it so long ago, damn.

    I still lack self confidence, a sexual partner, and a lot other things, but the drugs helped me rebuild my relationship with my father, my mother and my stepfather, and for all that I'm extremely grateful.

  4. #24
    Mrenda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raine Woot View Post
    Buceph's post specifically up there resonated with me. It took a therapist saying something rather similar to kick me in the ass.

    I was pretty depressed (self diagnosis, grain of salt etc.) from middle school to a year or so after high school, culminating in leeching off my parents, unemployed, and feeling like I'd prefer to just fail at life and kill myself rather than put in the effort to turn it all around. I hated myself, I looked at others living their lives and getting on with it and couldn't imagine how they did it. For me, being hard on myself made me too afraid and lazy to try. When this was pointed out to me, and she said "You have to forgive yourself," I did, and it made all the difference. Self-hate for any reason is like carrying the weight of the world on your back. Even if you hurt someone, even if you did something really awful, you have to forgive yourself so you can move on. If it means making reparations or seeking forgiveness from someone else, do that. Either way, you can't be so hard on yourself or you'll never think it's worth it to give it another shot.

    Also getting a job, even if you hate it, is an important stepping stone and it's infinitely better than be unemployed.
    Big up Raine. I'm really happy my post hit a chord with someone.

    And ancilliary to forgiving yourself is not giving up on yourself. You may only be capable of taking small steps at the moment. But it's better to take those small steps, fail occasionaly, forgive yourself and try again than to do nothing. Just let yourself know that those small steps are worth it.

    Edit: Also, big up dstopia.
    Last edited by Mrenda; December 25 2011 at 03:38:34 AM.

  5. #25
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    Some good posts guys, I guess i'll expand a bit more.

    So regarding doctors and psychs/medication etc, seriously been there done that. When I was 19, after dropping out of college for the second time, and sitting on my ass for a few months, it finally clicked that I probably had a serious problem. I went to the GP with my mum and I tried a few different medications, eventually ending on on citalopram, which sat ok with me after the first few months, which were ass. Did the whole psychiatrist thing for years, first I saw my mum's bosses' wife, I really liked her but the funding changed or something so then I went to a different place, and saw some student doctors for a few months. I feel that the therapy kind of helped me, I guess I saw some things more clearly, but like, at the end of the day you can talk about all this stuff about the past and how you feel about it and how you feel now until you're hoarse, but it doesn't actually tangibly change anything, you know?
    I think i've kind of inherited that philosophy by osmosis from my dad, who is incapable of thinking or at least expressing anything that isn't in the practical and physical world. I mean it doesn't seem to have done me any good dragging up all this old shit. And plus I hate having to switch to a new counsellor or whatever every few months, it sucks. And in the end, they are just doing their job, they don't particularly give a shit about you outside of their office, do they.

    So yeah, about 3 years after that, I had a proper full blown psychotic episode. I'd had periods of hypo-mania before, but i'd usually get over it after some big blow-out fight with my family or else just sink back down again and sleep for like a week. So went to hospital, stayed there for a few weeks, and got put on risperidone as well as the citalopram. Stayed in a supported housing place for 6 months, and then got a decent-ish flat in the shit part of town supported by a ton of benefits.

    So that was about 3 years ago. I very half-heartedly tried a bit of volunteer work and jobhunting, but to be honest i was/am way too comfortable sitting on my ass collecting benefits and playing computer games. So this summer, I got taken off my medications by my doctor after having drawn them down over a few months. I wasn't really sure that I would be ok without them, but I was pretty sick of having to take them after like 5 years, and I didn't want to stay on them forever. So I started feeling better, more energetic, I was doing volunteering for the Prince's Trust, writing for their magazine, but it all got a bit too much, the people running the course were giving me shit, as was my brother again, and I kind of snapped. It wasn't as bad as the time before, like I wasn't having hallucinations etc and I was thinking clearly, but I did steal a grand off my dad and try to fly to Amsterdam lol.
    So ended up in the same fucking mental ward, with the same people working there who all remembered me from 3 years before when I was truly loopy, which was shit. And it was a gorgeous summer which I pretty much missed entirely being stuck in there, was fucking horrendous. Plus I was twisting myself into knots about an operation my mum was having, and my uncles didn't let me speak to her until I got out, which I was super pissed off about.

    Anyway so here I am, 5am christmas morning not having been able to sleep lol, and I really can't be fucked with christmas, like at all. I dunno, I just can't seem to keep at like a normal level, whatever normal is, it's either super up or super down. And either end fucking blows, yeah i've been pretty close to suicide, literally a couple of feet away once, but I never seem to be able to take that final step. I wish I fucking would. And then on the other end, you have the times where you're feeling good, you think you're getting on, moving on somewhere finally, and you actually have energy and ability to do stuff, but then it goes too far and you do something stupid and end up locked away again with random doctors pushing psychoactive drugs on you. And then you get out, and get home, and you're right back where you started, with all that energy having been dissipated, and feeling extra foolish and stupid.

    It just seems so bleak. And yeah I do agree with all the stuff you guys have said, with taking stuff slowly, and not beating yourself up about it, and so on, cos I know I do all those things wrong. I just don't know how to get out of this mindset.

    Was gonna end with "oh well, i'll get through christmas and then come up with a plan or something in the new year", but I remember saying that exact same thing this time last year, probably several years in a row in fact, and i'm still in the exact same place.
    Last edited by Al Simmons; December 25 2011 at 04:06:37 AM.

  6. #26
    Mrenda's Avatar
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    I dunno man but I'll be fucking brutal here. Sounds like you have a problem you're not willing to accept or deal with. You talk about coming off meds, did your doctor give up on you, or did he acquiesce to your request that you come off meds, or were you doing well enough to come off them? If it's the latter, go back on the meds and try again. If it's the prior, I'm not too sure. Something someone said to me recently (a lovely bi-polar man who got me tickets to some big matches around here) was that you have to accept that something like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia affects you for life. It's never going away, you will always have it, you will always be looking over your shoulder watching out for them. And once you can accept that you'll be somewhat better because you can learn to deal with their heinousness when it does approach.

    I think it goes a little hand in hand with not beating yourself up (especially about your ups and downs) and taking things slowly (don't let those ups get too high nor those lows too down.)

    This is where this thread is treading on dangerous ground. Everyone and anyone can offer advice about dicking girls, dicking boys and dicking furries. Everyone can offer help on finding the girl's g-spot, the man's prostate and the furry's love nest. We can't really offer true psychiatric help. v0v. I can talk to you (I've been in #failheap since it opened.) I can talk to you about managing the day to day. I can't cure you though. Your doctors are better able to help you with that.

    If you're feeling a little emo tonight, then I hope us talking to you has helped. In fact I genuinely hope anything said here will be helpful. But somethings we're just not capable of dealing with. If this has been something that's been troubling you for a long time then all I can say is engage with the professionals honestly, and keep trying until you find the one who treats you professionaly, and who treats you in a way you can be your best. But if you want someone to shoot the shit with, to whinge and moan with, or just to read over your thoughts, then that's what I can do.

  7. #27
    Al Simmons's Avatar
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    Man, I can't get irc to work, i'm not from the goddamn 1980s.

  8. #28
    Donor Sponk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shirazzz View Post
    56k Lagman I too dont think I have even seem someone sum it up better... +rep
    Contract stuff to Seraphina Amaranth.

    "You give me the awful impression - I hate to have to say - of someone who hasn't read any of the arguments against your position. Ever."


  9. #29
    XenosisReaper
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    FHC always surprises me, I'll try and chip in with some of my experiences once I've killed this hangover

  10. #30
    Donor Grendelfreak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buceph View Post
    was that you have to accept that something like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia affects you for life. It's never going away, you will always have it, you will always be looking over your shoulder watching out for them. And once you can accept that you'll be somewhat better because you can learn to deal with their heinousness when it does approach.
    This is probably the best bit of advice I have either heard concerning mental illness and IIRC Craig Ferguson said something similar about Alcoholism and I suspect it can be expanded to include all addictions and mental conditions, including my own particular depression.

    I have never been a happy person and have been told I act like an old man by multiple people. This was probably a mix of personality and birth order (I'm the eldest of four so I was/still am expected to sacrifice for the needs of the younger siblings) repeating bullying throughout school (until I discovered that violence does solve problems) and i'm sure the near-panic attacks whenever the phone rang because I was the one who had to field the debt collectors (No mum and dad aren't here, no I don't know when they'll be back kthxbye) didn't help either.


    It's probably because of this that I have little self-control and the only reason i'm not a druggie or Alcoholic is because i'm a tightarse with money (never felt so much rage and embarrasment as the time I was called to the Principals Office because my parents hadn't paid the school fees). I'm also a severe procrastinator-perfectionist. And to top it off I only do anything when i'm compelled or the situation is unbearable such as only going to the doctor when the ear infection is crippling, getting a haircut only when its way too long and generally only leaving the house when I run out of stuff or work commitments.


    The reason I just summarised my life is partly because it makes me feel better writing it all down but also to illustrate the importance of self awareness. Knowing who I am means understanding my triggers, what stresses me out and gives me ideas on how to combat it all. I fight my homebody* tendancies by going to parties, spent more money than I would otherwise have (and thought about what they would like aka social interaction) on Christmas presents and most importantly made long term plans. Granted I didn't so much succeed as not fail this year but i'm improving and that is what is important.

    I'm not sure if any of this helped anyone else or even made sense but it chilled me out. Now i'm off to bed because the last thing I need is fucked up sleeping patterns.

    * My grandmother called me that once and I assumed that was the 1930s version of basement-dwelling neckbeard.

  11. #31
    Sacul's Avatar
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    Al simons is the perfect example why only meds dont work. Get proper therapy mate. The one where you make a signal and recovery plan for yourself with the shrink. Use some pills to get stable but leave it at that. Accepting and adjusting thats what it is about.

    bigup

  12. #32
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    Jumping on in here.

    August of 2010 I moved to London and started post-grad medical school [4 years instead of 5, already got a degree in BioMed Sci], medicine was something I always wanted to do. Day 1 and I have to go to occupational health for some vaccines and some bloods to be taken, I'm nervous and shakey as I've never been a fan of needles. They tried to take some blood and couldn't, my peripheral veins had shut down. I said I'd have some water and fresh air and come back in 5 minutes.

    I didn't. I did a runner. I thought about quitting right there. Earlier that day we had some induction lectures - where stuff was, basic things. One of things was the location of the counselors. Lucky for me one of the counselors had a free slot as someone hadn't turned up. I saw that counselor once a week for 2 months before seeing a psychiatrist who did an assessment and refereed me via my GP for some cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) at the local hospital. I found talking to that counselor initially very helpful but I over the weeks I found it pointless, we had decided I would benefit from CBT but they couldn't do my particular type of CBT at the in-house counselors/psychiatrist. I don't know if because I'm a medical student I somehow got quicker access but I was seeing a psychiatrist for CBT by December 2011. I saw that psychiatrist up until September of this year and I still have an open appointment if I need to go and see them.

    Looking back at that time and talking to my gf, my family and my friends I know that I went through a period of depression but while I was inside it I didn't notice because I had gradually slipped into it. I now feel a lot better, I now feel much more capable with my studies.

    TL: DR Go get help, it helps

  13. #33
    big diiiiiiiiick Movember 2012Donor Dark Flare's Avatar
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    Sup, depression and clinical OCD since the age of 14. Shit sucks.

  14. #34
    Ben Derindar's Avatar
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    I just watched a really interesting documentary called Cracking Up, about a bunch of people with various mental illnesses who take up classes in stand-up comedy. By the end they had each performed to a sellout audience of 450, it was pretty impressive and inspiring.

    It reminded me a little bit of myself when I was younger. I've never been diagnosed with anything officially, but I was bullied through most of my school years, and that had some interesting side effects. For example, I had absolutely no inhibition when it came to public speaking, something that I know freaks a lot of people out. But I somehow reasoned that since I was already one of the least popular kids at school, I really had nothing left to lose in the eyes of others.

    So I did things like speech competitions, debating classes and so on. Then I moved on to the weekly high school radio show, and the following year I became a part-time announcer at the local radio station while still in Year 12. It was the last thing some people expected of me, but it happened anyway, and looking back I think it did a lot more for me personally than perhaps I realised at the time.

    So to anyone here who is having self-confidence issues, would you consider taking up some form of public speaking yourself?

  15. #35

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    Just to chip in with my thoughts. Some of these might be mentioned already, and they are all random.


    The meds basically fuck with your brain chemistry, and as the doctor will tell you, it'll take ~1-2weeks to stabilise in your system. This is not ibuprofen, it won't suddenly help in 20minutes. There's two points I want to make here:
    a) It might not work first time. I've had several friends who have had to change anti-depressant type/dosage, each time taking the 1-2weeks to ensure it gets into their system. This is important when you consider the second point...
    b) Whether it be brain chemistry, or people thinking the anti-depressants will magically 'fix things', you will experience a massive-low. Write "IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK, IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!" on a post-it, stick it to the fridge; even better, tell a mate or two who can be your 'depression buddy'. Get them to text you every few hours to make sure you're ok, and be on the end of a phone if you need them.
    After the drugs kick in, you will feel better (taking the above posts into account, it'll only mask things). But bear in mind that the startup period will be a bitch.


    Hide the booze. A casual drink is fine, as is the occasional bender, but alcohol is a depressant.


    All of you, by nature of posting here, must have a roof over your head, food in your belly, and enough to survive. Although it's incredibly hard to be objective and not subjective (I find it difficult), remember that things aren't as bad as they seem.
    Free Clamdong!

  16. #36
    Sacul's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firefoxx80 View Post
    Hide the booze. A casual drink is fine, as is the occasional bender, but alcohol is a depressant.
    the fuck it is?

    Seriously you just have to know what the meds do and in most cases it is hard hitting on the liver and kidneys (as in they make them work hard). Ill try and find the tech manual of some ssri's (only know them in dutch) so you can see what it truely does. (displayed in active ingredient: xpicograms/liter; half time of xhours etc).

    For me i know i cant stand hard liquor to much anymore so i just stick to wine and beer. Its a small adjustment, just be smart about it.

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  18. #38
    Sacul's Avatar
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    ok lets just chuck that to a language problem. I misread, sorry, carry on.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacul View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by firefoxx80 View Post
    not emptyselectivequotin

  20. #40
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    I haven't received any alcohol contraindications while on escitalopram O_O

    Granted I was never a fan of strong liquors and I mostly deal with beer and wine, but I've gotten drunk several times and I hardly had any problems (I never get hammered anyways, since I have a pretty accurate internal measure of how much I can drink and I can stop pretty much whenever I realize I can't take another drink). Pot did give me a panic attack twice, though (I've since stopped doing it entirely, I never enjoyed it much anyways).

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