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Thread: The Serious Mental Health Thread

  1. #3521
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NightFallsFast View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by NightFallsFast View Post
    So. After being almost hospitalized during what my psychiatrist called a "hypo-manic episode" last week; I am now in treatment (sans hospitalization) and on Zyprexa. Going to be further evaluated, but they seem to be working quite well. Not hypo-manic now at least, and getting lots of sleep. My headache has also gone away, so maybe that was related to the stress of not telling anybody. Who knows. Also, almost jumped off a bridge, but nobody saw that, so managed to downplay it enough when I told my psychiatrist to avoid hospitalization. No inclination of ever going close to a bridge again ; that shit was too tempting. So - hooray I guess. Doing a evaluation and diagnostic test next week (DSM-V).
    So. Turns out I suffer from bipolar disorder. After being diagnosed, and medicated (hello Seroquel) I am stable (mostly) and all headaches and similar physical manifestations have gone into hiding. Still have a lot of therapy to do (and do that weekly) to address anger issues and some other stuff (depression fueled suicidal thoughts for one), but in general doing much better. Turns out talking to a psychiatrist wasn't a bad idea after all.
    Seems you're doing better. Big ups, keep it up. It's nothing horrible and what matters most is your health.


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  2. #3522
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    Finally did my first psychiatric checkup. Probably 20 years too late, but better than never. Don't know how I feel about it. One the one hand I'm glad I did it. One the other hand I hate the fact I have to do it and can't sort myself out.

    Psychological testing appointed and checkup in 2 weeks. I'm staring at this bottle of bupropionchloride pills I got. Tomorrow morning is gonna be an interesting day of decisions. One of the good sideffects seems to be I'm gonna start disliking cigarettes.

    :brofist: to all y'all in dis fred
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  3. #3523
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    Had my first proper visit to a therapist and apparently I don't have anything pathological, just a lot of unresolved stuff that's bugging me and issues in expressing myself in interpersonal relationships that aren't professional in nature. Apparently I can cope just fine when there are well defined boundaries (e.g. Work), but there are issues when I have to set said boundaries (e.g. personal life).

    So, CBT it is, yay.


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  4. #3524
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmin View Post
    Had my first proper visit to a therapist and apparently I don't have anything pathological, just a lot of unresolved stuff that's bugging me and issues in expressing myself in interpersonal relationships that aren't professional in nature. Apparently I can cope just fine when there are well defined boundaries (e.g. Work), but there are issues when I have to set said boundaries (e.g. personal life).

    So, CBT it is, yay.


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    That could be true for me too. How did the visit go, if i may ask?

    And what was CBT again?



    Feeling very unsettled at the moment ... hard to describe ... like punching a kitten might be a good idea (voice of reason: no, it is not!)

  5. #3525
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  6. #3526
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
    I tried that... I'll be honest I felt it didnt really help me much. Same with the Citalopram my doctor prescribed.

    Getting into a weekly routine of weights / pressups etc and long walks (1hr minimum) in the countryside did infinitely more for curing depression and boosting my confidence during that time.

    Your mileage may vary. Its probably different strokes for different folks.

  7. #3527
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cortess View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmin View Post
    Had my first proper visit to a therapist and apparently I don't have anything pathological, just a lot of unresolved stuff that's bugging me and issues in expressing myself in interpersonal relationships that aren't professional in nature. Apparently I can cope just fine when there are well defined boundaries (e.g. Work), but there are issues when I have to set said boundaries (e.g. personal life).

    So, CBT it is, yay.


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    That could be true for me too. How did the visit go, if i may ask?

    And what was CBT again?



    Feeling very unsettled at the moment ... hard to describe ... like punching a kitten might be a good idea (voice of reason: no, it is not!)
    Visit went well, I'm seeing her again tomorrow. This lady is really a good therapist, I had 1h scheduled however she took another hour out of her time (and she only bills me one in the end, not that it's cheap, but I really appreciate the gesture). Basically it was a sort of "appraisal", see what brought me to her, where I am in life, what I feel my issues are and so on and so forth.

    For me it's mostly being alone for 2 years now - new gf is there, however she is still at a distance, needs to finish some studies before moving in with me, stuff we already discussed and what not. Yep, she's visiting, I'm visiting, it's still a lot of mileage and tiredness builds up. And this stuff shows at one point, especially since me going out happened exactly 4-5 times last year, out of which 2 (I think) were EvE meetups (nothing wrong with that, however going out helps and shit, you know, social bla bla.

    Being lonely isn't so bad, however I've grown very antisocial in my personal life - it doesn't show in my professional life at all since apparently there I've borders set, which I have great difficulties setting in my private life - if I'm asked for help, I'll help until I can't help anymore (i.e. I'm fatally injured or dead), which isn't always appropriate. Mind you, I don't do this for anybody, but if only 2-3 people don't stop asking, I will bleed out eventually and burn out. At the moment I'm not in that point (bled out or burned out), however I feel it's closing in and I've taken the decision to preemptively see a therapist and see what's what.

    I'll write more on this tomorrow night after the meeting, hopefully this time I won't look like I've been ran over by a train (unshaved, caveman appearance, sigh). Bottom line is I don't have any pathology, I'm not a danger to me or other people (this includes people I look after in my day job ), so 's all good.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sandzibar View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
    I tried that... I'll be honest I felt it didnt really help me much. Same with the Citalopram my doctor prescribed.

    Getting into a weekly routine of weights / pressups etc and long walks (1hr minimum) in the countryside did infinitely more for curing depression and boosting my confidence during that time.

    Your mileage may vary. Its probably different strokes for different folks.
    Depends a lot on what your issues are. CBT is a very large umbrella covering a lot of techniques - in my specific case I need DBT, for example. Mentioned to the nice lady that thingie Lall mentioned (CBT = coping 101) and she had a good laugh about it and told me it's p much spot on, however it's like it says on the tin, a collection of a lot of stuff that helps. Being such a varied bundle, it makes sense it can serve lots of types of people and personalities, so I suppose ymmv indeed.

    Btw, gym works for me as well, but it did well only for a while, then I was back in derp mode and gym sessions were rarer. So I felt it got me in a downward spiral, so decided to break out of it (and take a nose dive immediately since seeing a therapist did affect my morale, even if subliminally so) - however overall the trend should be back to baseline and hopefully above that and improved.
    Guns make the news, science doesn't.
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  8. #3528
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    I give both CBT and DBT (still in duo not licensed to do it solo just yet) and DBT is way more serious in depth/intensity of emotions and psychopatholgy. There is a reason the education is intense for therapist because you can do real psychological harm if you just wing it.

    My advice would be to take the 'homework' (think about this and that before next session) serious. It can really help; well its proven to be significantly helpfull (mostly in combination of a low key, temporary, medication regime).

    Ow man i can tell stories of clients/patients start to finish that would baffle you.

    p.s.
    CBT is like kicking open flimsy doors, most things taught are "duhh""offcourse" etc but the (self-)confrontation and intro-spection is key.
    Last edited by Sacul; January 24 2017 at 08:27:38 AM.

  9. #3529
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacul View Post
    I give both CBT and DBT (still in duo not licensed to do it solo just yet) and DBT is way more serious in depth/intensity of emotions and psychopatholgy. There is a reason the education is intense for therapist because you can do real psychological harm if you just wing it.

    My advice would be to take the 'homework' (think about this and that before next session) serious. It can really help; well its proven to be significantly helpfull (mostly in combination of a low key, temporary, medication regime).

    Ow man i can tell stories of clients/patients start to finish that would baffle you.

    p.s.
    CBT is like kicking open flimsy doors, most things taught are "duhh""offcourse" etc but the (self-)confrontation and intro-spection is key.
    I'm taking it extremely serious, and it isn't only due to the cost per session but because I know how important is compliance with treatment.

    Meds are off the table since there are no issues that would warrant medication and that's something that came as a huge relief - I can't really afford to not be 100% clear brain and not be able to drive anymore.

    I have the most baffling story next to me, don't worry, luckily she's responding to CBT in a fantastic way and doesn't need any meds either.

    Overall I'm happy with life, just get discouraged sometimes and the pits have become deeper over time, but otoh this is somehow natural with older age.


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  10. #3530
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    @Cosmin
    What does it cost you out of pocket for a session?
    We bill 95e for a psychiater per half hour and 79e for a regular 40 minute session in Holland. With the correct refferal it is free of charge for clients/patients. And a punitive 60e for a no-show.

  11. #3531
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    Well, it isn't cheap, but around that. She's not a pshychiatrist, she's a therapist/psychologist, though. Also, managed to feel too ill from flu shit to make it (didn't attend work either), but rescheduled for next week. Hopefully will be all right meanwhile
    Guns make the news, science doesn't.
    Six shooters ruined PvP.
    What are you doing with your life?ęDoomchinchilla 2015

  12. #3532
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    Been looking into this

    http://selfauthoring.com/

    (you can find older free templates on the interwebs)

    tl;dr it's facing your own demons in written form, because once you write/vocalize something, it starts a different process in your brain than just internalizing it. Makes sense, cause years ago I used to write blogs/columns, and in retrospect I see when I stopped doing it I became a worse person through the years.

    Feeling better, not sure if it's due to meds or a "natural" response of my brain after basically dying while still alive. Sorting my medical insurance out (I had none) so I can continue the psych treatment. I faced a lot of dark shit in myself, but I'm nowhere near sorting it out yet. I know it's gonna be an uphill battle vs myself for the rest of my life, but I gotta try to improve and not do the mistakes I've been doing all my life (basically self sabotage and making other people's lives miserable cause of self-hate).

    Wubba-lubba-dub-dub!

    edit: I've been researching mental issues and illnesses for years now, as a way to try self-curing. It obviously didn't actually help, although I think I now have a better understanding what makes all of us somewhat dysfunctional in a unique way. Anyway, I know it's bad to try and self-diagnose, but of all the things I read, I kinda found most of the symptoms I exhibit in these: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizo...ality_disorder and/or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoida...ality_disorder
    Last edited by Lief Siddhe; January 27 2017 at 01:03:09 PM.
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  13. #3533
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    So, apparently my depression and anxiety scores are those of a normal person, not leaning into any of the pathological zones, so is all good. However, lots of frustration due to my lack of emotional regulation abilities and communication skills.

    DBT it is, then, yey.
    Guns make the news, science doesn't.
    Six shooters ruined PvP.
    What are you doing with your life?ęDoomchinchilla 2015

  14. #3534

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    I am normal. I have normal thoughts. What are we having for dinner, what's the weather like tomorrow, maybe I'll go to the gym tonight. I work a bit. Drink some coffee. Remember that I need to get a gift for my daughter, it's her birthday tomorrow. I think about what I'll get her. "Oh no, now it's starts" is all I have time to think.

    I am sick. I need help. It is building up. Faster and faster. I am angry. My thoughts are racing, much like zapping through the channel list looking for something decent on the TV. Work, projects, work, home, work again, a random conversation I had 15 years ago, faster and faster. Now I can't tell the difference between feelings and thoughts, it's just noise. Faster and faster, louder and louder. I try to drown it with music. It doesn't help. Maybe if I cut myself it'll stop I think. Then I tell myself I'm not there yet - and a voice inside my head says that "you'll be there soon, and that's when I win". The voice is using increasingly larger letters. It belongs to the monster that lives in my head. The voice that keeps me up at night. The voice that makes me so angry. The voice of my hatred. I don't know which scares me the most; that I am actually hearing voices, or that the voices doesn't belong to anyone, it's just a part of me.

    I see shadows at night. Shadows coming at me. I keep thinking that they're not really there, but they keep appearing more often, and they're getting closer. I try not to think about it. I disappear in my head. Time and location doesn't matter. On the bus, on my couch. I don't know what I am thinking about. I just stop focusing.

    I am dreaming. I'm in a cellar. There's a lot of people around, and they're cleaning the floor. Watching me. I think they might be Polish, or Ukrainian. I don't know what they're saying, but they are afraid of me. I can't understand why; I'm not dangerous. I keep walking, and realize I am in a tower. I keep going. The further up I get, the more worried the people watching me get. I wonder why. I tell myself I need to stop, only to realize that I can't. I keep going. I am at the top. I am getting really worried now. There's a large, wooden door at the end of the hallway. It's partly open, but it's pitch black inside. Without thinking, I walk towards it. I open the door fully, and the light reveal a man standing there. He looks quite ordinary, and is moving towards me. Upon closer inspection, he's missing half his head, and maggots are coming out of his brain. He's coming closer. I scream and wake. My pulse is racing, my palms are sweaty and I am not sure if I am awake or still sleeping. I keep thinking that if I go back to sleep, he'll get me. I am sick. I need help.

    I can't talk about feelings. My life is a collection of lies, designed to make me feel like it's connected, make me look normal. I don't know where the lies stop, and I begin. I can't tell the difference between feelings I have, and feelings I keep telling me I should have anymore. I don't think I have a personality, I am just pieces of people I think others will like. I'm not sure I exist.
    I have a moral code. A set of values, primarily inspired by various books and literary characters. A code I tell myself I model my life and decisions after. I realize that I don't follow my code. I lie, cheat and act like an idiot. I hate myself for doing it, but I can't stop. I don't have a moral code. I am just lies. I hate it. I hate myself.

    I punish myself. When I can't gather my thoughts and focus on work because I am so tired, I work some more. When I am exhausted from running, I run some more. When I am tired, I stay awake. When the music is so loud it hurts, I turn it up some more, and wonder if blood'll come out. I keep thinking that it would be a relief if it did. I like the pain that comes from pushing beyond the limit. It gives me control. I am about to loose control.

    When life is at it's worst; I think that it'll all be over soon. I just need to hang in there for a bit more. A few more years. Then I can let go. I dream about standing on the edge, closing my eyes and letting go. Sometimes I worry that I'll change my mind, regret it as I go over the edge. Then I think about living without two radio channels playing noise in my head. I think that I'll stick at it for a bit longer. Give my family financial security. I can keep at it for a year. Then one more. I can feel the pain now. I embrace it; make it mine.

    I am sick. I need help. I'm just not able to say so.

    Really, I'm fine.

  15. #3535
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    nice copypasta. now fuck off.

    edit: if you're the same guy as the dude on reddit, let me just say go see a professional first and foremost.
    Last edited by Lief Siddhe; February 8 2017 at 09:50:28 PM.
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  16. #3536
    Super Baderator DonorGlobal Moderator cullnean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    nice copypasta. now fuck off.

    edit: if you're the same guy as the dude on reddit, let me just say go see a professional first and foremost.
    Haven't been following his posts have you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elriche Oshego View Post
    Cullneshi the god of shitposting.

  17. #3537
    Movember '12 Best Facial Hair Movember 2012Donor Lallante's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    nice copypasta. now fuck off.

    edit: if you're the same guy as the dude on reddit, let me just say go see a professional first and foremost.
    Dude its probably the same guy, look at the post history.

    Night - in your last most it said you were diagnosed bipolar, medicated (seronquel) and feeling better. Has that changed? Are you still on meds? Have you stopped seeing your therapist? Is it not working

  18. #3538
    Donor Sponk's Avatar
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    On the plus side, there's a lot of poetry in there. Very 9mother9horse9eyes9 in style.
    Contract stuff to Seraphina Amaranth.

    "You give me the awful impression - I hate to have to say - of someone who hasn't read any of the arguments against your position. Ever."


  19. #3539
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    That is the only post I see in his profile post history, which I did find strange since it says 9 posts.

    Anyway, my advice still stands - professional help. Copy pasting your dark fantasy stuff from reddit to FHC doesn't do any good. Expressing original thoughts is required for progress.

    Might as well give my update:

    Finally got round to getting an ID card so I can sort out my health insurance so I can continue the psych evaluations and treatment. Didn't give a fuck for months to even get through that basic step of having legal paperwork. So I guess I can claim some improvement.
    Last edited by Lief Siddhe; February 9 2017 at 12:55:20 PM.
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  20. #3540

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lallante View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    nice copypasta. now fuck off.

    edit: if you're the same guy as the dude on reddit, let me just say go see a professional first and foremost.
    Dude its probably the same guy, look at the post history.

    Night - in your last most it said you were diagnosed bipolar, medicated (seronquel) and feeling better. Has that changed? Are you still on meds? Have you stopped seeing your therapist? Is it not working
    I'm still medicated, but increasing my dosage since I was/am more unstable again. Still seeing my therapist, but that isn't really helping so far. He's mostly interested in getting my dosage right - which I suppose is the most important. I don't know, it still feels like I'm on a roller coaster at times.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lief Siddhe View Post
    That is the only post I see in his profile post history, which I did find strange since it says 9 posts.

    Anyway, my advice still stands - professional help. Copy pasting your dark fantasy stuff from reddit to FHC doesn't do any good. Expressing original thoughts is required for progress.
    It's nice to see that you read /bipolar, but I'm the one that wrote it there. Thanks for the helpful replies though.

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