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Thread: The Poo Thread 2.0

  1. #41
    Amantus's Avatar
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    i literally refuse to use the french holes in the ground. i'd rather use the ladies'

    sent from my htc desire using tapatalk
    MAX damage posting

  2. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me View Post
    The toilets on the side of the highway in Aus are quite possibly worse then those squat things. They are a normal toilet seat built over a large hole in the ground about a metre wide and 3 or 4 metres deep, NEVER look down one, you will literally see a 6ft tall mountian of shit.
    The Australian term for these hilariously fiendish devices is a "thunderbox".

  3. #43
    Administrator Movember 2012 Don Pellegrino's Avatar
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    I only saw 2 or 3 in France, but they were much more common in northern Italy (4 years ago).

  4. #44
    Movember 2012Donor ctrlchris's Avatar
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    I think there is one or two at my uni for the international students.
    I should try one c/d


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  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Me View Post
    The toilets on the side of the highway in Aus are quite possibly worse then those squat things. They are a normal toilet seat built over a large hole in the ground about a metre wide and 3 or 4 metres deep, NEVER look down one, you will literally see a 6ft tall mountian of shit.
    Had these at boy scout camp. Two things that made them especially terrible:
    1) The structure enclosing the seat was built directly on top of the hole, and also built out of plywood (including the floor). Anytime I had to use one I was terrified of the plywood suddenly giving way. Stepping into a 3 foot deep pile of crap I could handle maybe, with a bit of trauma counseling; but imagine falling into it from 6 feet up... The thought of that being possible gives me nightmares.

    2) People wouldn't leave the lids down. Lids on a flush toilet I can understand, and they don't really have a functional purpose other than for your wife to leave down so that you have no excuse for not lifting the seat (if you have to lift the lid, you might as well grab the seat while you're at it). In an outhouse, the reason for the lid is to keep the smell down (that's why they have a vent that goes way up the side and opens well above the roof). If the lid is shut, the smell goes up and out the vent. There's very little that I can think of that's more unpleasant than opening the door on a 100 degree day to a 3x4x8 plywood box with a hole in the bottom of it that's built on top of a pile of shit.

  6. #46
    Administrator Movember 2012 Don Pellegrino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctrlchris View Post
    I think there is one or two at my uni for the international students.
    I should try one c/d
    At mine there's a sign of someone squatting on a western toilet with a huge red X on it. I didn't know wheter to laugh or feel bad when I saw it the first time.

  7. #47
    Movember 2012Donor ctrlchris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don Pellegrino View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ctrlchris View Post
    I think there is one or two at my uni for the international students.
    I should try one c/d
    At mine there's a sign of someone squatting on a western toilet with a huge red X on it. I didn't know wheter to laugh or feel bad when I saw it the first time.
    Yeah, they are around at my uni too.


    Your posting is medium, its not rare and its not well done
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  8. #48
    smuggo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don Pellegrino View Post
    I only saw 2 or 3 in France, but they were much more common in northern Italy (4 years ago).
    On my recent trip to Italy I found that, at a guess, around 85% of toilets lacked a seat. Those filthy wops expected me to sit on bare porcelain. I was not fucking impressed I can tell you now.

  9. #49
    Movember 2012 Stoffl's Avatar
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    drop toilet + kids with fireworks = one hell of a mess
    2/10/17 Greatposthellpurge never forget
    23/10/17 The Greatreposteninging ?

  10. #50
    Selb's Avatar
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    i got gastroentiritis in corfu a few a years ago on a family holiday. after a joyful week of shitting in the sea and generally feeling that i was one mistimed cough or sneeze away from a prison sentence, i thought i was getting a bit better. however whilst out with my parents on the way back from a beach, i felt the sudden and dire need to piss brown water out of my arse. being british and unable to comprehend the notion of shitting in a bush in remote brushland, we had to keep going until we found a petrol station. after a brief discussion in broken greek, we established that yes, they had a toilet but no, it was for staff only. only upon presenting me, locked in concentration attempting to mentally hammer planks across my anus, legs crossed, eyes crossed, one arm on stomach and one cupping the rectal region, did they relent and allow me to make use of the staff convieniences.

    as i opened the door expecting to clap my eyes on that most friendly, most reassuring sight of a traditional white porcelain toilet bowl, i thought i had made a mistake. no, i thought. this must be the cleaning cupboard. or the drain room. or some obscure throwback to the days of hermes and zeus. there was nothing there, just a hole in the floor! panic set in, not a useful emotion for a young chap whose digestive tract is attempting to imitate the mighty octopus, and discharge its vile ink at the first sign of danger. i knew i had to act, and act quickly, so i dropped trou and undergarments, and attempted to position myself above this pathetic, foreign excuse for a toilet. all the while i was painfully aware that zero hour was upon me, and my already stricken sphincter wouldn't hold for much longer.

    then it hit me, how to position oneself so that one does not drench one's person with horrible runny poo? my only solution was to attempt to place my feet on the corners of the door jamb in front of me, hands on the walls to the side and rear, and elevate my appendages above floor level like some sort of spider. happy that i would now be out of the firing line, i attempted to raise my feet a little further so that my lower quarter would be pointing towards the floor hole. but then, disaster struck! my concentration slipped, attempting to gain purchase on the smooth, painted surface. a jet of slurry emerged from my devasatated ringpiece, splattering the floor like special effects in a bad horror film. appalled by both the smell and the sight, and the notion that if my grip slipped any further than i would end up sat in my own faeces, i retched, the convulsive movement only serving to force a second even large spurt of diseased excrement out of my battered body. as my position had shifted this had covered an even larger portion of the floor, there was now only space for one of my feet to attempt to stand and leave this quagmire.

    mercifully i had the foresight to hang my discarded clothing on a peg on the back of the door, so it had escaped the stinking tide of filth which coated much of the area. due to a lack of paper (the least of my worries) i wiped using my boxers, and threw them in to the hole. now my thoughts shifted to my exit strategy, which would have to involve first leaving the scene of the crime, then dressing my half naked body in the staff area of the station. i waited until enough customers were in the shop to distract the attendants, opened the door, and crept out in to the open. i quicky dressed and left via the back door, nonchalantly strolling around the back and getting in to my parents' rented 4x4. "DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!", i roared. my poor mothers' eyes widened, thinking something terrible had happened, as my father gunned the engine and launched us on our way. only further down the road did i explain the true nature of this sordid tale, which made my dad laugh so much that he started crying and had to pull over.

  11. #51
    PM me for a free Vagabond
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    This morning I managed to produce something not entirely unlike King Kong's finger. all it lacked was the fingernail.

    epic turd is epic.

  12. #52
    Mr Marram's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Selb View Post
    i got gastroentiritis in corfu a few a years ago on a family holiday. after a joyful week of shitting in the sea and generally feeling that i was one mistimed cough or sneeze away from a prison sentence, i thought i was getting a bit better. however whilst out with my parents on the way back from a beach, i felt the sudden and dire need to piss brown water out of my arse. being british and unable to comprehend the notion of shitting in a bush in remote brushland, we had to keep going until we found a petrol station. after a brief discussion in broken greek, we established that yes, they had a toilet but no, it was for staff only. only upon presenting me, locked in concentration attempting to mentally hammer planks across my anus, legs crossed, eyes crossed, one arm on stomach and one cupping the rectal region, did they relent and allow me to make use of the staff convieniences.

    as i opened the door expecting to clap my eyes on that most friendly, most reassuring sight of a traditional white porcelain toilet bowl, i thought i had made a mistake. no, i thought. this must be the cleaning cupboard. or the drain room. or some obscure throwback to the days of hermes and zeus. there was nothing there, just a hole in the floor! panic set in, not a useful emotion for a young chap whose digestive tract is attempting to imitate the mighty octopus, and discharge its vile ink at the first sign of danger. i knew i had to act, and act quickly, so i dropped trou and undergarments, and attempted to position myself above this pathetic, foreign excuse for a toilet. all the while i was painfully aware that zero hour was upon me, and my already stricken sphincter wouldn't hold for much longer.

    then it hit me, how to position oneself so that one does not drench one's person with horrible runny poo? my only solution was to attempt to place my feet on the corners of the door jamb in front of me, hands on the walls to the side and rear, and elevate my appendages above floor level like some sort of spider. happy that i would now be out of the firing line, i attempted to raise my feet a little further so that my lower quarter would be pointing towards the floor hole. but then, disaster struck! my concentration slipped, attempting to gain purchase on the smooth, painted surface. a jet of slurry emerged from my devasatated ringpiece, splattering the floor like special effects in a bad horror film. appalled by both the smell and the sight, and the notion that if my grip slipped any further than i would end up sat in my own faeces, i retched, the convulsive movement only serving to force a second even large spurt of diseased excrement out of my battered body. as my position had shifted this had covered an even larger portion of the floor, there was now only space for one of my feet to attempt to stand and leave this quagmire.

    mercifully i had the foresight to hang my discarded clothing on a peg on the back of the door, so it had escaped the stinking tide of filth which coated much of the area. due to a lack of paper (the least of my worries) i wiped using my boxers, and threw them in to the hole. now my thoughts shifted to my exit strategy, which would have to involve first leaving the scene of the crime, then dressing my half naked body in the staff area of the station. i waited until enough customers were in the shop to distract the attendants, opened the door, and crept out in to the open. i quicky dressed and left via the back door, nonchalantly strolling around the back and getting in to my parents' rented 4x4. "DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!", i roared. my poor mothers' eyes widened, thinking something terrible had happened, as my father gunned the engine and launched us on our way. only further down the road did i explain the true nature of this sordid tale, which made my dad laugh so much that he started crying and had to pull over.
    /thread


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  13. #53
    Donor Spawinte's Avatar
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    You fuckers need to eat more wholemeal bread with your meals.

    so as not to fall on my ass into the godforsaken pit of despair.
    LOL

  14. #54
    Movember 2012 Stoffl's Avatar
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    Allright who are the 2ppl who voted squat ?
    Reveal yourself!
    2/10/17 Greatposthellpurge never forget
    23/10/17 The Greatreposteninging ?

  15. #55
    Movember 2012Donor ctrlchris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Selb View Post
    i got gastroentiritis in corfu a few a years ago on a family holiday. after a joyful week of shitting in the sea and generally feeling that i was one mistimed cough or sneeze away from a prison sentence, i thought i was getting a bit better. however whilst out with my parents on the way back from a beach, i felt the sudden and dire need to piss brown water out of my arse. being british and unable to comprehend the notion of shitting in a bush in remote brushland, we had to keep going until we found a petrol station. after a brief discussion in broken greek, we established that yes, they had a toilet but no, it was for staff only. only upon presenting me, locked in concentration attempting to mentally hammer planks across my anus, legs crossed, eyes crossed, one arm on stomach and one cupping the rectal region, did they relent and allow me to make use of the staff convieniences.

    as i opened the door expecting to clap my eyes on that most friendly, most reassuring sight of a traditional white porcelain toilet bowl, i thought i had made a mistake. no, i thought. this must be the cleaning cupboard. or the drain room. or some obscure throwback to the days of hermes and zeus. there was nothing there, just a hole in the floor! panic set in, not a useful emotion for a young chap whose digestive tract is attempting to imitate the mighty octopus, and discharge its vile ink at the first sign of danger. i knew i had to act, and act quickly, so i dropped trou and undergarments, and attempted to position myself above this pathetic, foreign excuse for a toilet. all the while i was painfully aware that zero hour was upon me, and my already stricken sphincter wouldn't hold for much longer.

    then it hit me, how to position oneself so that one does not drench one's person with horrible runny poo? my only solution was to attempt to place my feet on the corners of the door jamb in front of me, hands on the walls to the side and rear, and elevate my appendages above floor level like some sort of spider. happy that i would now be out of the firing line, i attempted to raise my feet a little further so that my lower quarter would be pointing towards the floor hole. but then, disaster struck! my concentration slipped, attempting to gain purchase on the smooth, painted surface. a jet of slurry emerged from my devasatated ringpiece, splattering the floor like special effects in a bad horror film. appalled by both the smell and the sight, and the notion that if my grip slipped any further than i would end up sat in my own faeces, i retched, the convulsive movement only serving to force a second even large spurt of diseased excrement out of my battered body. as my position had shifted this had covered an even larger portion of the floor, there was now only space for one of my feet to attempt to stand and leave this quagmire.

    mercifully i had the foresight to hang my discarded clothing on a peg on the back of the door, so it had escaped the stinking tide of filth which coated much of the area. due to a lack of paper (the least of my worries) i wiped using my boxers, and threw them in to the hole. now my thoughts shifted to my exit strategy, which would have to involve first leaving the scene of the crime, then dressing my half naked body in the staff area of the station. i waited until enough customers were in the shop to distract the attendants, opened the door, and crept out in to the open. i quicky dressed and left via the back door, nonchalantly strolling around the back and getting in to my parents' rented 4x4. "DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!", i roared. my poor mothers' eyes widened, thinking something terrible had happened, as my father gunned the engine and launched us on our way. only further down the road did i explain the true nature of this sordid tale, which made my dad laugh so much that he started crying and had to pull over.


    Your posting is medium, its not rare and its not well done
    - Krans 26/7/12

  16. #56
    Irion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stoffl View Post
    Allright who are the 2ppl who voted squat ?
    Reveal yourself!
    One troll one deviant.
    D&D is where I learned that a longsword is a one handed slashing weapon.

  17. #57

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    Quote Originally Posted by Selb View Post
    i got gastroentiritis in corfu a few a years ago on a family holiday. after a joyful week of shitting in the sea and generally feeling that i was one mistimed cough or sneeze away from a prison sentence, i thought i was getting a bit better. however whilst out with my parents on the way back from a beach, i felt the sudden and dire need to piss brown water out of my arse. being british and unable to comprehend the notion of shitting in a bush in remote brushland, we had to keep going until we found a petrol station. after a brief discussion in broken greek, we established that yes, they had a toilet but no, it was for staff only. only upon presenting me, locked in concentration attempting to mentally hammer planks across my anus, legs crossed, eyes crossed, one arm on stomach and one cupping the rectal region, did they relent and allow me to make use of the staff convieniences.

    as i opened the door expecting to clap my eyes on that most friendly, most reassuring sight of a traditional white porcelain toilet bowl, i thought i had made a mistake. no, i thought. this must be the cleaning cupboard. or the drain room. or some obscure throwback to the days of hermes and zeus. there was nothing there, just a hole in the floor! panic set in, not a useful emotion for a young chap whose digestive tract is attempting to imitate the mighty octopus, and discharge its vile ink at the first sign of danger. i knew i had to act, and act quickly, so i dropped trou and undergarments, and attempted to position myself above this pathetic, foreign excuse for a toilet. all the while i was painfully aware that zero hour was upon me, and my already stricken sphincter wouldn't hold for much longer.

    then it hit me, how to position oneself so that one does not drench one's person with horrible runny poo? my only solution was to attempt to place my feet on the corners of the door jamb in front of me, hands on the walls to the side and rear, and elevate my appendages above floor level like some sort of spider. happy that i would now be out of the firing line, i attempted to raise my feet a little further so that my lower quarter would be pointing towards the floor hole. but then, disaster struck! my concentration slipped, attempting to gain purchase on the smooth, painted surface. a jet of slurry emerged from my devasatated ringpiece, splattering the floor like special effects in a bad horror film. appalled by both the smell and the sight, and the notion that if my grip slipped any further than i would end up sat in my own faeces, i retched, the convulsive movement only serving to force a second even large spurt of diseased excrement out of my battered body. as my position had shifted this had covered an even larger portion of the floor, there was now only space for one of my feet to attempt to stand and leave this quagmire.

    mercifully i had the foresight to hang my discarded clothing on a peg on the back of the door, so it had escaped the stinking tide of filth which coated much of the area. due to a lack of paper (the least of my worries) i wiped using my boxers, and threw them in to the hole. now my thoughts shifted to my exit strategy, which would have to involve first leaving the scene of the crime, then dressing my half naked body in the staff area of the station. i waited until enough customers were in the shop to distract the attendants, opened the door, and crept out in to the open. i quicky dressed and left via the back door, nonchalantly strolling around the back and getting in to my parents' rented 4x4. "DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!", i roared. my poor mothers' eyes widened, thinking something terrible had happened, as my father gunned the engine and launched us on our way. only further down the road did i explain the true nature of this sordid tale, which made my dad laugh so much that he started crying and had to pull over.
    Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my lunch !

    Also made me want to watch this again.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJvuHGtZU0w&noredirect=1

  18. #58
    Seamus's Avatar
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    Thank you Selb - thank you so much *wipes tear from eye*
    "But the vast majority of this forum is European and/or highly urbanized and quite liberal in their firearms views. Take this discussion to ih8mud.com (Toyota Land Cruiser forum) or even knifeforums.com and you'd see the opposite."
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  19. #59
    Daneel Trevize's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Selb View Post
    corfu
    It's bad enough their greek/roman plumbing can't take toilet paper ffs.

  20. #60
    XenosisReaper
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    In every thread is one great post that leaves all others in the dust.

    Thank you Selb.

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