The Poo Thread 2.0

[indi]

"Viewing platform"

BAAHAHAHA

You won't be laughing after a long, proud specimen has planted tip down on the shelf and then toppled forward, somewhat akin to the felling of a mighty oak, brushing the other end against your balls on its way down. The horror...

Suddenly seeing some true advantages to being female crew checking in.

(I too once thought I had to throw up and rocket poo at the same time. Had a bucket lined up. Mercifully I managed to avoid the vomit party - after reading this, I'm pretty sure I know what will go through my mind the next time I get sick, though.)

[Katamarino]

I may have said too much.

[Mike deVoid]

This thread.


I'm sharing it with everyone I know.

[Equium Duo]

  Spoiler:

Two of my less intelligent friends made a bet on who could produce the largest shit after watching a certain episode of southpark.

The winner (or loser depending on how you look at it) ate nothing but chipotle for a week.

The other ate Flat Top (Mongolian BBQ) and Chinese food.

We weighed both prior to the delivery and then again afterwards.

The shits were massive. They resembled horseshit in size and consistency.

We could hear the one who ate the chipotle whimpering through the door.

He produced a 8 pound shit.

It was massive, there was absolutely no way his toilet could handle such a prodigious load. Imagine trying to shove a stale loaf of bread down your throat.

The stench was nearly as great as the size. He had to Lysol his entire house and leave fans in the windows near the bathroom to air the place out.

The other friend "gave birth" the next day before water polo practice.

I say "gave birth" because I was born at 7 pounds 13 ounces and 21 inches tall.

His shit topped the scale at 7 pounds and was an estimated 16 inches long.

It took him an hour and a half to get it out.


The custodial staff then made him remove it from the toilet.

When he jumped into the pool he screamed as his freshly molested ass was still tender from essentially having a child.

This is awesome!

My two poo adventures:

I was working late a lot, literally 15 hour day's for nearly two weeks, the worst was 22 hours in one day. Labour laws aside I was so busy I forgot to have a poo. I started to get a little back ache. This began and gradually got worse over 3-4 days.As I was doing a lot of manual labour I assumed it was my work. I spoke with the Occupational Health Nurse, she stopped me from any heavy lifting etc. The pain continued to worse. Despite me being regulated to paperwork I was in bad shape. I started having spasms. My wife started driving me to work. I couldn't drive for fear of some sort of spasm interfering with my driving. I can only imagine I was about 9 days cold turkey at this point, I was literally convulsing in work, couldn't stop myself. It was during a particularly violent spasm that I had a moment of clarity; I hadn't dropped the kids off at the pool in over a week! No words, no fucks given I made for the toilet. I sat in work on overtime for nearly 50 minutes. I flushed three times. During one of the flushes I had to flush twice to fill up the bowl with shit-water to create enough pressure to force the shit down that porceline snake to the world beyond. I was drained, emotianally unstable. When I told my work colleagues they laughed so hard.

Another time at work, I was feeling a bit constipated. I was shitting fairly regularly but I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't shitting enough. Something didn't feel right. So once again I found my favourite recreational room at work and let her rip. Rip being the correct word, the turd was massive. I can't say it was a 7 or 8 pounder, but it had girth. Like a big black cock. Such girth that I nearly fainted passing it out. My arsehole took two weeks to fully repair after that ordeal.

[Rook]

I just took a massive shit. I hummed Chariots of Fire the whole time while I leaned forward imagining myself like a sprinter crossing the line, trying to eek out the final few inches.

Just like I learned from the Olympics it's best to walk it off during a warm down rather than go and sit down... but for different reasons.

[The Crushah]

A few years ago I had some sort of gastroenteritis bout in the middle of the night where the abdominal cramping was so painful it triggered a vasovagal response and I fainted, fell off the toilet and crashed head first into the shower door. When I came to I couldnt remember where I was for a few seconds and for some reason my brain reasoned that I was on a subway platform waiting for a train. Spent the rest of the evening exorcising the screaming ass demons with pillows on the floor in case I fainted again.

[Mynxee]

This thread, LOL!

Why do you people need to carry reading material to the bathroom? Keep a basket filled with magazines and catalogs in yours, like we do. The big bathroom downstairs even has a bookshelf filled with books. Whenever anyone around here "gets the message" they can just go and not worry about having reading material at hand. I prefer my iPad, though. But honestly, it's overkill because I'm usually outta there within a minute or two. Mr. Mynxee on the other hand can complete 20 levels of Angry Birds on his poo sojourns.

[balistic void]

Time to knock the English down a peg or two.

Is there no jacks in London with a proper flush? The water pressure is pretty anemic everywhere, especially so in high-rise buildings. Lets just say that London toilets fail the Guinness test. Conversely Irish bogs are designed for serious business.

[Selb]

My national toilet pride backbone!

[Blutreiter]

This morning.

0.3 seconds. Arse was clean. Roughly a pound lighter. What did I do to deserve this?

[Chakrai]

I tried the AC Slater position this morning. Strangely liberating.

[Sparq]

Why am I up at 4 AM local time, posting in the poo thread? Well, either I've managed to pick up a mildly unpleasant bug from somewhere, or my recent love affair with Mexican chili powder can be safely categorized as having been "unwise".

I was rousted from my bed by my stomach at about 3:30 - with some urgency - apparently so that my back passage could alternate between imitating the grand cascade of the Niagara Falls and the occasional volcanic outburst of the Pacific Rim of Fire. That is to say when material wasn't evacuating from my person in a deluge, it was attempting to warm me with the fond memory of its violent progress - and possibly with a small, localized exothermic reaction.

You could say that I had laid on both hot and cold running asshole in my bathroom.

[Nordstern]

It is 12:28 AM. I should go take a shit.

[Rakshasa The Cat]

Assuming this is still a Squat vs. Sit thread; if it's a nice clean japanese mall or something then I'll sit, however if it is a well-used train station or beach toilet squat every time.

If there's not been any accidents in there then it is much preferable to not have physical contact with any part, and they are generally much better than the OP pic.

[Chakrai]

[IMG][/IMG]

[Sirial Soulfly]

Damnit we have been doing it wrong!
Apparently the sitting posture is not what we as humans were designed for. Squatting it seems is much healthier.
Educational video below which shows how we can easily adjust our posture on our western toilets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=pYcv6odWfTM

BRB getting a few old phonebooks.

[Crystalline Entity]

[Larkonis Trassler]

You seem to have dodged the bullet though.

[Aurora148]

My gut had been growling all afternoon, tonight I met the result.

Painted the toilet with what felt like highly concentrated acid, it looks like it might have stained the porcelain even after three flushes and a going over with the brush.

I think i can feel round 2 approaching too.

[Seamus]

Posting from the toilet - feels firm, perhaps a single loaf with 2 or 3 breather rings.