The "OH MY GOD MY TEAM WENT FULL RETARD %@$%#^$@!" Megathread

[Xiang Jiao]

Only been on the island/city side of Serene Coast once, and my team lost by a landslide. I much prefer attacking from the South. I think of it as an assault map.

[Al Simmons]

People in this game make me rage. On my team is an IS-3 and IS-8 who sit in the base and snipe, leaving me to die. After most of the enemies have been killed by other people, only then do they venture out to where I was and mop up the enemies. Oh god I hate you so much you stupid cunts! Fucking cunting fuckstains die in a fire!

[Dirk Magnum]

What possesses a person at the midpoint of a map to refuse to return to base and stop the enemy from capping? It happens when the team is down to maybe four or five people, with most of the survivors on the enemy's side of the map leaving their own flag undefended. The friendly in the middle of the map either just sits there, or continues to drive towards the other friendlies on the opposite side of the map. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

It's not like every surviving teammate as well as the dead ones still watching the match aren't screaming at them to go back and stop the cap or anything

[Swiss]

What possesses a person at the midpoint of a map to refuse to return to base and stop the enemy from capping? It happens when the team is down to maybe four or five people, with most of the survivors on the enemy's side of the map leaving their own flag undefended. The friendly in the middle of the map either just sits there, or continues to drive towards the other friendlies on the opposite side of the map. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

It's not like every surviving teammate as well as the dead ones still watching the match aren't screaming at them to go back and stop the cap or anything

Deer in headlights mixed with bystander effect.

They think if they move they'll be killed and/or that someone else will reset the cap

[Xiang Jiao]

What possesses a person at the midpoint of a map to refuse to return to base and stop the enemy from capping? It happens when the team is down to maybe four or five people, with most of the survivors on the enemy's side of the map leaving their own flag undefended. The friendly in the middle of the map either just sits there, or continues to drive towards the other friendlies on the opposite side of the map. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

It's not like every surviving teammate as well as the dead ones still watching the match aren't screaming at them to go back and stop the cap or anything

It's like the risk-averse blob mentality in Eve. At the beginning, they will camping on the flank with the least amount of enemies, then when you clear out your side victoriously they will flee from theirs because they know that's where the remaining enemies will come from when they try to cap in desperation. Being risk averse faggots, they don't want to be there to defend, and would rather try to capture a flag because it means they won't die. Survival = success. This is why if I successfully manage to terminate most enemies on my flank, I will actually double back right away to the team's flag on standard maps. It confuses the shit out of your camping team mates because they were hoping to ride your coattails to the enemy's flag.

[Dogbeast]

What possesses a person at the midpoint of a map to refuse to return to base and stop the enemy from capping? It happens when the team is down to maybe four or five people, with most of the survivors on the enemy's side of the map leaving their own flag undefended. The friendly in the middle of the map either just sits there, or continues to drive towards the other friendlies on the opposite side of the map. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

It's not like every surviving teammate as well as the dead ones still watching the match aren't screaming at them to go back and stop the cap or anything

It's like the risk-averse blob mentality in Eve. At the beginning, they will camping on the flank with the least amount of enemies, then when you clear out your side victoriously they will flee from theirs because they know that's where the remaining enemies will come from when they try to cap in desperation. Being risk averse faggots, they don't want to be there to defend, and would rather try to capture a flag because it means they won't die. Survival = success. This is why if I successfully manage to terminate most enemies on my flank, I will actually double back right away to the team's flag on standard maps. It confuses the shit out of your camping team mates because they were hoping to ride your coattails to the enemy's flag.

I had a match in my T30 as defense on Malinovkha. I go east side and proceed to rape the enemy tanks I meet, with 1 even calling me a "hacking noob". And it's not like I was sitting back and sniping either. I was front row lighting up enemy tanks and pounding them with Peter North's massive dong. Then I notice that the entire west side collapsed and the enemy T30, IS-3, and another tier 8 heavy tank are going to our cap. We have an ISU-152 and GW Panther at our spawn...what does the ISU do? He starts booking it down the east side and runs past me while I take out the SU-14 in the corner. I go "wtf?" And then proceed to go back to base to defend it, since obviously the ISU is a pussy. I get back to our GWP missing his shot and dying in a fail of broken metal and terribleness. I land a shot on a T30 resetting cap to 70%...then I creep up and only manage to get an eye on the IS-3 just as the counter reaches the 100% mark....where was the ISU? In the south eastern corner jacking off to more Stoya videos.

Here is the replay of it: http://www.mediafire.com/?ny7wp5z2np3j6ro

[Xiang Jiao]

I was front row lighting up enemy tanks and pounding them with Peter North's massive dong.

I imagined the T30's gun to look more like Mandingo's p-unit.

ISU looked plain retarded, and he buys premium from the Russian mafia. He also forgot which game mode he was playing. I detest the campers on assault defense maps ("Remember guys, this is defense! Don't leave the hill! HERP DERP!"), especially Karelia, because it's so easy to slow up and cut off the enemy's advance in the North and turn it into a foothold to defend your base or attack their spawn. I was able to rush through the swamp with a Tiger P and not get spotted one game. Amazing!

Edit - Twat JT is just asking to get killed:

  Spoiler:

Already found him on my ass once when scoped. I try twisting my hull and backing up to the right to disengage from him. He turns ass end right to stop me from backing up.


While trying to take out this Tiger P below, I attempt up back up further but now he's grinding his tracks against mine. Arty splashes both of us and I lose my tracks.


I attempt to disengage again but he continues trying to prevent me from backing up easily. I open fire on him.


Did that feel good faggot? I hope so. I hide behind his wreck to take potshots at the KV-4 that has advanced up the hill on us. Arty kills me with the next hit. GG retards.

Double edit - This is how you defend Karelia assault!

Victory!
Battle: Karelia Sunday, August 12, 2012 11:24:35 PM
Vehicle: PzKpfw VI Tiger (P)
Experience received: 1,059
Credits received: 26,052
Battle Achievements: Sniper

http://s000.tinyupload.com/index.php...60583243653447

[Fara]

Any tips on what skills to train on my DUDES? Back in the beta there was only 3 (repair/firefighter/camouflage) and now Im like

Is for my 34-85, but medium Tanks in general.


I chose Deadeye (high % for crit damage), 2xincreased Repair, and Situational Awareness (+view Range). Not sure what to take on commander :S I understand a lot of it is down to personal ~taste~ but just testing the waters if theres some must-haves or some buggy ones. I think I like the commander perch which spots enemy dmg mods. Kinda tells you when you can go balls deep and brawl it out in a fast medium i guess.

[Al Simmons]

Deadeye seems pretty useless to me as more crits is what you don't want. Sure you could hit the ammo rack, but you could just as easily knock out the rangefinder or some bullshit that doesn't matter. Getting a zero damage crit when you need to knock that last 200 hp off a tank is so irritating.

Also this is kind of in the wrong thread.

[Lusulpher]

What possesses a person at the midpoint of a map to refuse to return to base and stop the enemy from capping? It happens when the team is down to maybe four or five people, with most of the survivors on the enemy's side of the map leaving their own flag undefended. The friendly in the middle of the map either just sits there, or continues to drive towards the other friendlies on the opposite side of the map. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

It's not like every surviving teammate as well as the dead ones still watching the match aren't screaming at them to go back and stop the cap or anything

It's like the risk-averse blob mentality in Eve. At the beginning, they will camping on the flank with the least amount of enemies, then when you clear out your side victoriously they will flee from theirs because they know that's where the remaining enemies will come from when they try to cap in desperation. Being risk averse faggots, they don't want to be there to defend, and would rather try to capture a flag because it means they won't die. Survival = success. This is why if I successfully manage to terminate most enemies on my flank, I will actually double back right away to the team's flag on standard maps. It confuses the shit out of your camping team mates because they were hoping to ride your coattails to the enemy's flag.

You have learned well, padawan.




The new wave of summer tards has brought old failclassics such as:

"I'm protecting arty"-1375 hiding behind my O212 AND FIRING RANDOMLY at passing FAR OFF enemies!

"Take the Church! Then go nowhere else, too much arty. Arty ruined this game."- Malinovka ALL MODES.

"Quick, cap them out...Affirmative x8"-ALL ENCOUNTERs...

"RUSH!!"- All Assaults.

"Follow me!", down Suicide Road on Abbey into enemies 3x TDs...

"Wtf, why was I the only one who went hill??"-me on Mines in a Batchat wreck, other 3 Bats in city!!!!

"Help...stop that guy, HELP, HELLLLLLLPPPP!"- arty being attacked by med, spotted halfway across map, but still kills 3 arty before your meds intercept.

"Too much arty"-HVYs watching one HVY fight 3 other HVYs, and then they attack as soon as the friendly HVY dies!! They die to reloaded arty...


I had 1 team come back to save base this last few days, 1...Now I just take my O212 and hide in TD mode until we get capped out. I even tell them I'm letting them die for being stupid. Then I TD some poor fuck and enemy gets the hint to wrap it up real clear-like.

[Navigator Six]

I hate Prokhorovka Assault so. Very. Much. If for no other reason than that it's absolutely critical that you have good arty, and there aren't very many around. Managed to lose twice on defense (!) last night, and in both cases our arty got themselves killed, and then we got rushed. The second time both of our arty sat on the hill, and one by one got spotted by an E-50 from the south and one-shotted. The first one raged about how we "let him get spotted".

[Swiss]

I hate Prokhorovka Assault so. Very. Much. If for no other reason than that it's absolutely critical that you have good arty, and there aren't very many around. Managed to lose twice on defense (!) last night, and in both cases our arty got themselves killed, and then we got rushed. The second time both of our arty sat on the hill, and one by one got spotted by an E-50 from the south and one-shotted. The first one raged about how we "let him get spotted".

It's a silly map to have assault on, what with having chokepoints that can be so easily controlled by defense. Arty is pretty much the only thing that can kill defenders without getting immediately fucked by entering every firing line.

[dzajic]

Battle: Karelia Tuesday, August 14, 2012 2:25:14 PM
Vehicle: Type 59
Experience received: 1,083
Credits received: 107,262
Battle Achievements: Confederate

Assault, we were attacking. I... run out of ammo. They had 2 ordinary tigers and 1 tiger-p camping behind rocks on the top left corner of the map (left side of flag when you are attacking). And KV-5 and some other failretards that stopped and killed all we had pushing north even if I begged for no one to push north. Had megashit useless T29 and Tiger camping a long way back ... where south team flag is in normal game and even further back. They had a T34 parked in mid that didn't really do anything other than prevent me from flanking the tigers and killing their arty.

We had a green AMX 50 100 that got 6 kills but spent most of his life camping on hill above attackers spawn. So in end time run out, they got just KV-5 and T34 and hummie left. We managed to kill all of camping tigers... but like I said, run out of ammo and run out of time.

[Hel OWeen]

It's a silly map to have assault on, what with having chokepoints that can be so easily controlled by defense. Arty is pretty much the only thing that can kill defenders without getting immediately fucked by entering every firing line.

In theory you can't lose this map as defender.

But despite this, I'm in defender teams time and time again, that manage to get butchered there. Just yesterday I had a game where our few meds were intelligent enough to go to the choke points and do the peekaspot-thingy right, all the while ALL except one of our heavies stayed at the top of the hill and did their glorious :lolsniper:. As soon as the enemy figured out that there was no heavy support at the crossing, they did the right thing: a hard push over the eastern crossing, killing the two tanks there (me in Type59 + T28) who did the spotting. I could literaly see our heavies up their shrug their shoulders, not wasting another glance at the eastern crossing (because obviously targets disappeared after we died there) and instead :lolsniped: the once-in-a-while visible tanks in the mid or western crossing. Them continue shooting ofc lit them up for the enemy tanks/arty. It may come as no surprise to you, that the outcome was something like 1 or 2 < 15 ... AS THE FUCKING DEFENDING TEAM OF THE EASIEST TO CONTROL ASSAULT MAPS!

[Al Simmons]

Yeah that's one of the worst things about playing defense maps, you start off at a point where in standard games is usually a useful position. The rocks in Karelia, the hill in Prohorovka, Campinovka etc. But in assault/defend mode, camping there means being much too far removed from the action to be any use. Then the few people who did take forward positions get killed and the camping snipers get picked off. It isn't always a loss, the ten minute time limit is quite tight for the attackers to kill everyone off. But it's so frustrating to be one of the people who take up a useful forward position and get killed for your trouble, meanwhile all your heavies are camping where you spawned.
The other players are the worst thing about this game. You get good teamwork like 1 in 10 matches if you're lucky.

[dzajic]

Observing the critters as they play, I'm feeling that even 50% win players have most questionable mental faculties. French Riviera beach map, whatever its called. I'm in T34. Somehow I'm in town next to ramp leading to beach, exchanging shots with a Type who is down on the beach. There is the abovementoned our 50% win T44 right next to him, hiding beneath some concrete. He never, ever gets the idea to rush and flank Type, shooting him in front and bouncing again and again. Type never even bothered to aim at him, seeing how fail T44 was. Eventually enemy KV5 approached and I slowly run away, run into enemy 42% KV-1S with 122m HE gun... and he humiliated me giving me a round chase around the house with his every shot taking 100+ hp from me. Managed to kill him when Type at 100hp left came from beach and finished me.

I must learn that T34 is a turreted TD, and incredibly slow and ponderous one at that. Its not a heavy tank, an it can't be played as heavy tank.

I think I'll be rebuying T32 sooner or later.


Edit. Fuck this shit. Not my fault. Ever.

Take a look at this esteemed gentleman.

http://worldoftanks.eu/community/acc...08236-derprof/

16k games, 630 eff, 42% win rate. Like from those E100 demotivators. 4200 games on T95 in which he has... 42% win. He started moving out of spawn with 3 min left on the clock. Enemy got stupidly lucky with their arty getting 11 kills. And its a draw.


And my Type no longer has even meager 60% win. Went from 54.42% to 54.38% global in a hour and a half of trying to grind some cash. Dropped to <10k buying E50M. Can't have that 55% , can I?

Edit 3. And than my phone rings while I'm driving to top of hill in malinovka and I rush pas and into the enemy. Yeeey!

[Ashaz]

well. not a retard team as souch. But it is so damn annoying whenyou finaly get a good result with you'r x2 still intact, and it all just goes ...bad.

So we're playing Redshire. I'm in my IS-3. We're on the north.
I head for the east border of the map where me and a M6lotsofletters plow down towards the enemy cap.
I stack up 5 kills and manage to put damage in 4 more. That's a good result for someone like me.

So what happens?
The M6blabla guy gets taken out by a ISU-152. I hunt him down.
And while I do that, a single KV-5 who went up the east side takes out my 7 remaining teammates who were defending so he and a tiny TD who was appearently hiding in the bushes, proceeds to cap and wins the game.


Sure, Well done by him.
But damn it, that's frustrating.

My x2 victory turned out to be the next game instead where I got ammoracked in the beginning of the game instead.

[dzajic]

Defeat
Battle: Fisherman's Bay Wednesday, August 15, 2012 1:52:20 PM
Vehicle: T34
Experience received: 1,405
Credits received: 140,782
Battle Achievements: Top Gun

I knew it would be bad, our lead tank was KV-4 with 48% win, <800 eff and 12k played games. So, irrecoverably terribad person. Rest of team was equally abysmal, though XVM somehow suggested 60% win chance. I told you its wacko since patch.

Anyway. Spawned north, understood I have to go to town and HOLD. I think we had 2xKV-4, IS, T-32 and one other in town. All rest spawning at the houses in top left corner of map. We hold the town with KV-4 morons slowly dying due to being incapable of positioning themselves to not be shot at from 5 directions. Oh yeah, also AMX ELC kept buzzing around them for couple minutes and then finally got into my angle.

Anyway. Enemy came into town with Tiger, Slugger, IS-3, IS, KV-4 of their own, Tiger 2, KV-5... Stuff happens, I get 5 kills. Our camping side has fallen to enemy ISU, Lowe and T34 and some puny stuff. They cap before I get anywhere close to our flag becase I had to push another street further into town to kill Tiger 2 at 200hp, didn't want him to shoot me in the ass. Only one of ours that survived was IS. And ofc we had 1 AFKer. Ended with 6 kills out of 9-10 our team made.

[Dogbeast]

Rest of team was equally abysmal, though XVM somehow suggested 60% win chance. I told you its wacko since patch.

That's because it includes you in the calculation, which kind of irks me. I wish it would calculate the chances without you, so you get a better picture on how hard you need to play.

[halka]

Without you in the equation, XVM would either always favor the enemy team or would have to normalize the odds by using a fixed factor, both alternatives seem less preferable than the current mechanic.