The "OH MY GOD MY TEAM WENT FULL RETARD %@$%#^$@!" Megathread

[Torashuu]

While the merican heavies are pretty straightforwared the mediums are less so.

[ElweSingollo]

And so the evidence proves that people can play that map for two years now and still not figure it out. You are not supposed to suicide rush there like madman, but I know that number of games on Mines where my team lost hill and still managed to win is miniscule.

I've had a reasonable number of games where one team (sometimes mine, sometimes not) takes the hill and then loses it to a push a minute or two later. It seems to work often enough, though you'd kind of think it would be due to one or more people on the hill-controlling team screwing up (arty, or TDs defending the approach maybe?). Either way the team holding the hill does end up winning.

Had a high tier game the other night where the opposing teams IS-7's (3 of them) all went hill and captured it from our e-50 and other high tier med we had there. They then proceeded to do more or less fuck all before coming down one by one from the hill to where we were pushing on the flanks and then dieing horribly to our team. Ofc that same team had an IS-4 who sat on the wee hill next to the north base "defending" so that probably didn't help thier cause much. End result was a win by capture with me in my KV-3 on 5% armour left and a IS-4 with one almost dead Maus back near our base with our lone remaining arty. The single remaining IS-7 from the enemy team sat on the hill firing blindly at the cap point strangely enough he had zero kills.

[Varcaus]

Defeat
Battle: Steppes Friday, June 15, 2012 1:07:58 PM
Vehicle: AMX 13 90
Experience received: 849
Credits received: 34,464
Battle Achievements: Lavrinenko's Medal III Class, Defender, Sniper

....

[Dogbeast]

For those who want to learn how you can fail your way into a tier 10...take lessons from KristinaWhite.

Buy gold, buy KV-5, convert exp, get yourself into a tier 10 tank.

Still fail like a boss.

[Xiang Jiao]

:Tankgirl:

[dzajic]

Used to have 60% on Chaffee. Used to...
8 defeats in row. But the time I give up I'll likely get the tank below 50%

In T10 matches I'm completely useless. In T7 matches any Russian tank can one shot me and I can't possibly pull the team as I'm too fucking paper.

And then fucking finally:

Victory!
Battle: El Halluf Sunday, 17 June, 2012 00:00:28
Vehicle: M24 Chaffee
Experience received: 2,926 (x2 for the first victory each day)
Credits received: 21,442
Battle Achievements: Confederate

No prem atm so that'd be what? 4,386(x2) if I had it. After enough defeats to ruin my stats, my precious stats.

And now 3 more defeats. It takes really an concentrated effort to get a tank with 200+ games from 60% down to 56% but I managed it.

Among other gems I may include this little Malinovka story.

I run to bushes in mid and I'm not spotted. 4 enemy tanks die. 7-8 of ours push across the field and take 0 losses. They start to cap. Enemy 54 makes a run in the swamp trench for our base. I intercept it and get it killed but die in process. Few of us who went hill died to triple Lorraine platoon who zoom down to our cap. Our heavies capping have been slaughtered and die to the last one as our Jagtiger kicks a lot of Lorraine ass. Glorious defeat. If I had premium It would be a glorious 1000+ exp defeat. But still a defeat and my precious 60% win Chaffee is gone and without hope of salvation and recovery.

[Dogbeast]

I didn't think it was possible to find someone worse than KristinaWhite....but I have.

And they are in they are in the top 400 of the NA server for games played...

I present to you: mickey624

I didn't notice him before until someone posted this image:

[Nooby]

More gold than brain cells.

[Xiang Jiao]

I present to you: mickey624

Be glad you've never had to play a game with this asshole like I just did.

This is Mickey camping behind full hard cover with nigh full HP.

  Spoiler:

This is Mickey backing up his platoon mate while he dies horribly.

  Spoiler:

This is Mickey shooting what I think to be HE. I can never tell the difference visually but the hit registered for about 115 damage.

  Spoiler:

Why anyone would want to platoon with this guy, let alone have him in a clan is beyond me. I put him on my contact list so 1) I could flame him and 2) see when he's logged in so I don't try to play at that time.

[Varcaus]

Just tk him v0v

[Dogbeast]

Sounds like he uses HE ammo only...lol.

[ctrlchris]

I ONLY USE HE BECAUSE OF THE GUARANTEED DAMAGE

[VARRAKK]

has to be some 5 year old kids playing on that account.

Ran into some moron yesterday on NA server named MMCCRONE.
And I thought he was the worst player ever.

[Dogbeast]

has to be some 5 year old kids playing on that account.

Ran into some moron yesterday on NA server named MMCCRONE.
And I thought he was the worst player ever.

I can believe this.

Go into any of the Training Battles, and you can hear little kids yelling/screaming at each other. I swear, they are all 5-13 yo kids.

Spent like 3 hrs the other day just joining a few games, like that one that is "Pets & Owners" which seems to be up 24/7. Bunch of kids, they would put my Type 59 on 1 team, and we were not supposed to shoot each other but play nice and pretend to be pets or owners. Of course, I would turn my gun on my team and rape them all, then rape the enemy team while they all pissed and moaned about banning me from the game.

Repeat over and over in other games and even the same game. They would forget my name pretty fast and invite me to a team. lolololol.

[Dr Halberstam]

that one that is "Pets & Owners" which seems to be up 24/7. Bunch of kids, they would put my Type 59 on 1 team, and we were not supposed to shoot each other but play nice and pretend to be pets or owners. Of course, I would turn my gun on my team and rape them all, then rape the enemy team while they all pissed and moaned about banning me from the game.

[Dogbeast]

that one that is "Pets & Owners" which seems to be up 24/7. Bunch of kids, they would put my Type 59 on 1 team, and we were not supposed to shoot each other but play nice and pretend to be pets or owners. Of course, I would turn my gun on my team and rape them all, then rape the enemy team while they all pissed and moaned about banning me from the game.

[Xiang Jiao]

Spent like 3 hrs the other day just joining a few games, like that one that is "Pets & Owners" which seems to be up 24/7. Bunch of kids, they would put my Type 59 on 1 team, and we were not supposed to shoot each other but play nice and pretend to be pets or owners. Of course, I would turn my gun on my team and rape them all, then rape the enemy team while they all pissed and moaned about banning me from the game.

I've done that too. I usually find one of the "cops and criminals" games where the cops pull you over for speeding or some shit, and the cops have to wait until the criminals start shooting before they can shoot back. The only reason I go into one of these games is to test out a new tank. What's the fucking point if I can't shoot at other players? I imagine they arrange these children's games so they don't have to pay for ammo. When they do actually play randoms, God help you if they end up on your team.

[Hel OWeen]

I didn't think it was possible to find someone worse than KristinaWhite....but I have.

And they are in they are in the top 400 of the NA server for games played...

I present to you: mickey624

I seem to recognize a certain pattern, to which Kristina is the exception: a bad player is more likely to have random numbers in his name or it's ALL CAPS.

[Fourfingers frankie]

I sincerely believe some people have accidentally turned off the minimap and dont know how to turn it on again.

[Hel OWeen]

This!

... or playing the whole match in sniper mode.