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Thread: Hobolife: The D.U.C.K. System

  1. #1
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Hobolife: The D.U.C.K. System

    So i do a fair amount of walking through the bits of greenery near me on the edges of leafy Manchester suburbs. Always like to stop for a smoke n shit, mebbie listen to some radio 4 and chill in the "wild" so i had the habit of bringing a plastic bag to sit on.

    Got annoying

    Made a basic bitch log on two shorter logs style bench for one of my frequent spots. was ok

    Last week it just randomly became necessary to go into some deeper woodland and just fuck about. Made a better actually comfy seat/bench/emergency brexit shelter. Took some pics. The pics are awful and dont really capture it very well but whatever, its some sticks and moss in some woods being sticks and moss.

    Got to try some basic bush craft shit like making decent stakes with beveled edges that can take a hammer (a log) without splitting.

    Made some basic privacy stick fences then thought fuck it lets try put a roof on it

    Kinda went from there. basically wove a big wooden half hut. Then thought fuck it lets roof it. Lined it with the last grass ferns of the year, and some anemic evergreens that were nearby. Topped the crown with moss and extended the coverage to make the bench basically watertight. Its a surprisingly comfy, cosy little hoboshack. 3 hours a day for 3 days to make, and that was me basically making it up as i went along. I recon a team of 2 could knock a more complete camping solution in a day of graft, as long as the supplies were at hand..

    Fucking about in the woods is cool and you should all go fuck about in the woods. Here, have some awful pics shorty
    D.U.C.K. stands for nothing at all

  2. #2
    Liare's Avatar
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    Duckslayer, blazing new trails in pre-post-brexit England.

    looking forward to the pics m8
    Viking, n.:
    1. Daring Scandinavian seafarers, explorers, adventurers, entrepreneurs world-famous for their aggressive, nautical import business, highly leveraged takeovers and blue eyes.
    2. Bloodthirsty sea pirates who ravaged northern Europe beginning in the 9th century.

    Hagar's note: The first definition is much preferred; the second is used only by malcontents, the envious, and disgruntled owners of waterfront property.

  3. #3
    Approaching Walrus's Avatar
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    those trees belong to THE QUEEN!!!

  4. #4
    Donor erichkknaar's Avatar
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    DUCKLIFE!!!!
    meh

  5. #5
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Stage one: Bench life

    Just take some long straight thin branches, chop them to same ish length. Add a big log below at each end for feet Peg it all firmly to the soil with wooden stakes.

    Relax, roll a spliff and enjoy your hard pointless work.



    Ideally have a small hand axe to knock off any nobbles that will analize you, but if like me you have a lack of tools, just chew the wood off with your teeth/use a fucking handsaw or whatever.

    Can also see i pinned out a square of shitty sticks to act as a half arsed fence of no use.



    its comfier than it looks. honest!
    Also note the random rotten stick pile at the vestibule. Basically all my tramping around turned it into a bit of a mud bath so i needed to temp floor it to save my boots. Continue to add sticks to the mire i think the mud is made of hammerspace. Kinda didn't think that through as now its not really suitable to have an entrance campfire but oh well.

    Next i took two sturdy long ass branches and laid them in a "X" shape above the bench, each resting on a large tree "V" each side. The center of the X becomes the apex all the other, thinner supports will either sit on top or underneath under tension.

    All sticks were given a slight point to help stick into the deep mud, pushed in vertically and bent to the apex. No cord was used, just physics



    Sorry about the blurry pics. The sticks make a half circle base with no reason to exist. the Apex barely covers the actual bench. This wasnt planned, it just happened.

    Next i wove thinner branches through the vertical supports like a basket. No need to be neat but try to not snap the branches.
    It's amazing how the whole thing becomes rigid and really very strong.



    I just kept adding branches and it got quite leafy. Nice as this packs out the lattice a bit and while providing zero actual weatherproofing or point. Here is the end of day one. Much leaf.



    Awful focus on this but probably gives the best shot of the apex kinda just appearing out of a jumble of sticks



    Bench is about 6 ft long, but not quite suitable for tall people to lie on due to the arched leaf all up in your grill. Homeless and a midget? Might be in luck. Space efficiency ftw
    Last edited by Duckslayer; November 5 2019 at 06:24:34 PM.

  6. #6
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Day two was just more of the same and the pics dont look much different. Can see the greenery is dying off somewhat so that makes it easier to work around. Just added loads and loads more weave, especially near the top. Now have a plan to roof it properly.



    Was trying to fill it out with evergreen stuff but there are only a few about and they are terribly sparse. So used as much fern as i could but as smarnca pointed out, it is dead and goes shit very quick. Still, a nice layer to thicken the roof and provide support for any future waterproofing.



    Lowshot doesn't do the depth of it justice but you can just about see the crown of fern leaf blocking out the sun at the top of the dome. This stage was about adding loads of random shit that made no difference to the end shack so we learn as we go! Also this day was the day i sliced open my index hand a little in a few places, hand ripping out fenrs. If they are green the stems are like razor wire. So no more got done, i sat down, had a cheeky smoke, sucked my own blood for half hour and left.

    Note to self: Your skin is the softest tool you own. Wear gloves!


    Still no real reason for doing this but im committed now!

  7. #7
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Day three, hands clean and healing.

    Now to add moss to the roof. The area is poor in ferns and spruce and other evergreens so i cant layer it with that. however, the trees are covered in moss.



    This is slow going as hand pinching moss off tree bark is not the way to do it. I manned up, dug my hands into the mystery earth and found that tearing up impressive carpets of ground moss is both easier and more yucky!

    Start addig it further and further down the dome. This is the rear view, which is impossible to take a pic of properly due to the aforementioned privacy fence. Also made putting the moss on a lesson in avoiding stick traps. Dont build the privacy fence before the fucking dome. It does work though, breaks up the silhouette and keeps it stealthy. Not that anyone goes into those woods really but maybe they do in YOUR woods?




    Take note of the spindly pine branches ive added nearer the bottom. Moss wasnt really clinging to near-vertical wicker fence whodathunk it. Also nearer the bottom the weave is much more open . Basically no need to cover it unless you want to edge up in the mud against a wall of splinters?





    And here it is from the frontal view. Looks the same doesnt it! But it is now fully covered moss roofed hobobench that has no light passing through. Jobsagoodun. Will it work? What is it;s work? NFI. Just in the woods fucking about, mates.


  8. #8
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Part 4: do you even bench?

    Curiosity got the best of me a day later. It was dark, it was pissing down with rain. I thought that was the perfect time to go check out my handywork. See if it had been burned down by some scallies yet, or squatted in by badgers.

    So the walk there is the Somme, so its not a practical weather shelter, or a practical anything really.

    But it was amazing how well it worked. Little bit of rain blows in directly through the opening but the roof held strong. No drips.


    ^im lying fully down snapping up at the apex. Pissing down but dry and not too bad. Interesting wall decor, right?!

    Few pics of the internal wall structure. You can see the structural sticks, with the horizontal thinner weave just doing its weave thing. Get glimpse of some of the pine needles, but cant really see the moss.



    Natural materials cutting you a bit here and there beats the absolute hell-scape of lost insulation fibreglass im currently covered in. Fuck that shit



    Smells notbad too.

    Left it as is now for a week and shall probably go visit in a few days, see how its doing. MEbbie remove the fence thingy to get some good ass shots. If there's a dry spell id probably lower the thatch even more but it really isnt needed (is any of it? [ no ])


    So, yeah
    Random semi-functional Hoboshack. Was very fun and satisfying to make. All i had was a fold-able hand wood saw and a cheap mora knife. Would construct again. Good exercise and i learned some decent practical skills. Wild camping in future may just be done sans tent.

    or
    How to pass a few days no work and feel a sense of achievement without actually achieving anything useful or helpful #5712

    hobolife for life

  9. #9
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    On reflection, maybe im just a nature vandal. Fuck knows who's land that was.

  10. #10
    Movember 2012 Zekk Pacus's Avatar
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    Years from now, the next generation of kids are going to discover this and wonder about the man who made it. You'll be an urban legend in no time.

    Is nice work.
    'I'm pro life. I'm a non-smoker. I'm a pro-life non-smoker. WOO, Let the party begin!'

  11. #11
    Movember 2012 Stoffl's Avatar
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    You absolute madlad
    <3

    MI8m8

  12. #12
    Duckslayer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zekk Pacus View Post
    Years from now, the next generation of kids are going to discover this and wonder about the man who made it. You'll be an urban legend in no time.

    Is nice work.
    Come to think of it, there was a years old, long abandoned fern tree hide next to where i made the bench. No longer waterproof, but it was clearly some sort of suspended roof for a bivy bag homeless man to kip under in the summer. No bench and only about 90cm of crawlspace but better than nothing. Kinda inspired me to just start fucking about. Maybe one day they will return and find this thing. Or it was a fallen tree that formed a natural low roof?

  13. #13
    Malcanis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duckslayer View Post
    So i do a fair amount of walking through the bits of greenery near me on the edges of leafy Manchester suburbs. Always like to stop for a smoke n shit, mebbie listen to some radio 4 and chill in the "wild" so i had the habit of bringing a plastic bag to sit on.

    Got annoying

    Made a basic bitch log on two shorter logs style bench for one of my frequent spots. was ok

    Last week it just randomly became necessary to go into some deeper woodland and just fuck about. Made a better actually comfy seat/bench/emergency brexit shelter. Took some pics. The pics are awful and dont really capture it very well but whatever, its some sticks and moss in some woods being sticks and moss.

    Got to try some basic bush craft shit like making decent stakes with beveled edges that can take a hammer (a log) without splitting.

    Made some basic privacy stick fences then thought fuck it lets try put a roof on it

    Kinda went from there. basically wove a big wooden half hut. Then thought fuck it lets roof it. Lined it with the last grass ferns of the year, and some anemic evergreens that were nearby. Topped the crown with moss and extended the coverage to make the bench basically watertight. Its a surprisingly comfy, cosy little hoboshack. 3 hours a day for 3 days to make, and that was me basically making it up as i went along. I recon a team of 2 could knock a more complete camping solution in a day of graft, as long as the supplies were at hand..

    Fucking about in the woods is cool and you should all go fuck about in the woods. Here, have some awful pics shorty
    D.U.C.K. stands for nothing at all
    This post made me unexpectedly happy for a bit. Ta.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keieueue View Post
    I love Malcanis!

  14. #14
    Nobody_Holme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duckslayer View Post
    On reflection, maybe im just a nature vandal. Fuck knows who's land that was.
    Yours now.

  15. #15
    Malcanis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nobody_Holme View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Duckslayer View Post
    On reflection, maybe im just a nature vandal. Fuck knows who's land that was.
    Yours now.
    The King and the Land are one
    Quote Originally Posted by Keieueue View Post
    I love Malcanis!

  16. #16
    Sandzibar's Avatar
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    Duck. Wilderness Survivalist Specialist.

    Is there a youtube channel to subscribe to? maybe an axe/knife manufacturer sponsorship deal will be on the cards?

    Just don't go full native and booby trap it with punjis and deadfalls. Id hate to read about the Manky Rambo in the papers.
    Last edited by Sandzibar; November 5 2019 at 10:04:48 PM.

  17. #17
    Donor Spaztick's Avatar
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    That's a good hoboshelter. Just check it for spiders before you use it.

  18. #18
    Movember 2011Movember 2012 Nordstern's Avatar
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    Duck should watch Primitive Technology and Survival Skills Primitive on YouTube.




    Also, learn to make a Dakota Fire Hole.
    Last edited by Nordstern; November 6 2019 at 06:17:27 AM.
    "Holy shit, I ask you to stop being autistic and you debate what autistic is." - spasm
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    WTF I hate white people now...

  19. #19
    Venec's Avatar
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    Make a lil garden and plant some crops.

  20. #20
    Lowa [NSN]'s Avatar
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    One way or the other this has the potential of ending up in a odd headline.

    Good fun mate, clear flashbacks of being a kid running wild in the woods building ever more advanced huts. Made me want to do that again!
    Quote Originally Posted by Tarminic View Post
    I would create a dragon made out of vaginas. Then I would create a dragon made out of dicks. Then I would have them fight to the death.

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