
Originally Posted by
thebomby
Back in 1995 I had both my hips replaced with artificial ones in one year. Each time, about 6 months after the op, I shat myself out of the blue exactly once, for some unknown reason. Maybe late reaction to anesthesia. Who knows. First time I was living up the side of a mountain here in Switzerlol and was walking down the hill to the hospital for physio. Bang, crap in my pants. Wtf? About two seconds later a car pulls up and there are two nuns in it who offer me a lift. I get in and they drive off. A couple of minutes later, one of the nuns says that they've started putting manure on the fields early this year....
Second time, I was sharing a flat with two girls. Going down the stairs and bang, shat my pants again. Again wtf? The building was an old Swiss worker's house with the toilets in the stairwell halfway between the floors. I go in, take off my pants, wipe my arse, and think, ok, it's only half a flight up to our flat, should be ok. I walk up the stairs, naked from the waist down with my underpants in my hand, enter the flat, and lo and behold, my one flatmate is standing at the stove in the kitchen which is right next to the front door, wearing only a pink slip, purple high heeled shoes and a tiny tank top. So there's me naked with my shit-stained underpants in my hand, and her there in that half porno garb. We just stared at one another for a few seconds....
I can't get it up, gotta get it up (sung to the tune of the Rolling Stones). In 2000, I was working for a completely fucked up internet company in Berlin, Germany. I had terrible blue balls due to this Russian woman at work who just made me so want to fuck her, I felt like exploding or dying or something. One night, I'm out with the sysadmin for drinks and proceed to get somewhat hammered. On my way home later, I think, hey, I could screw a hooker and that would surely help, no? Berlin centre has a fair amount of hookers, so I go past two of them, somewhat nervous, this not being my usual hobby. One girl ask me "Should we have some fun?". Being drunk, I thought she meant both of them at once, and I of course said yes. We proceed to the house of fuk 4 munni and into the bedroom. We all undress and they decide amongst themselves who will suck and who will fuck. And then, despite their best efforts, I could just not get it up. Stage fright or booze, I don't know. In absolute utter embarrassment I got dressed and left. They were pretty nice about it "happens all the time, don't worry" and they should have been, as it cost 600 Deutsche Mark....
In 1992, I was living in Rotterdam, Holland. I had just met my then girlfriend and we were in her flat and she gave me a blow job before we went to a pub where a band was playing. During the performance I realised she had my dried semen above her lip. I didn't say anything.
There's lots more. My life has been a series of continual embarrassments, but I've discovered that the more one worries about them, the worse they are.
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