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Thread: The DIY Masterclass Thread [or how to fuck everything up and spend too much money]

  1. #1
    Donor Lorkin Desal's Avatar
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    The DIY Masterclass Thread [or how to fuck everything up and spend too much money]

    So, I bought a house.

    It was very expensive and I probably made a stupid mistake in doing it, but the life goal was to own property before I turned 30 and I managed this by approx 1 week. (completing my purchase on the 17th November).

    When buying I opted to have a building survey done. This cost a lot of money (600) and the final report featured a load of hurf blurf about how I should probably commission electrical surveys, water surveys and surveys to establish if the small commune of North-Korean agents living at the bottom of the garden was any threat. I decided against this on the premise that "It couldn't be too bad right?", the survey stated it wasn't likely to fall down.

    This was mistake number one. (Well, 2, Mistake 1 was completing on the 17th November with the budget due on the 22nd, where they promptly abolished stamp duty for all first time purchases. (Cue Angry Noises and Floods of Tears).

    Anyhow, moving in day fast approached. I had quite a grand plan to re-decorate the entire house, altering some rooms and de-bodgeing others. The previous occupants (whom I'm sure were very nice), did leave it in a little bit of disrepair. The first thing I noticed when I walked in to the kitchen - Its wet. Not damp, not mildly moist, wet.

    I do a double take. Was this the kitchen or a swimming pool that I didn't see on the viewings? The building survey had stated that the main stopcock was leaking, but that the surveyor had attempted a partial fix and that the issue would be resolved prior to completion. I'd insisted on it through the solicitor so that It could spend a week or so drying out. Not so.

    The central spigot of the main stop cock had failed. It had been pissing out water and this had seeped under the 3 layers of laminate floor in the kitchen, bubbling them up and making them smelly.

    To be continued, with pictures..
    Quote Originally Posted by Virtuozzo
    The evolution of the meme. From shipspinning to meatspinning.

  2. #2
    Super Chillerator Global Moderator teds :D's Avatar
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    calling this for an early best thread '18

  3. #3
    Alistair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorkin Desal View Post
    So, I bought a house.
    Well, there is your mistake right there.

    Same mistake I made.....


  4. #4
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorkin Desal View Post
    The central spigot of the main stop cock had failed. It had been pissing out water and this had seeped under the 3 layers of laminate floor in the kitchen, bubbling them up and making them smelly.

    To be continued, with pictures..
    So basically that's rip kitchen flooring. Everything will need to be removed and replaced. I suggest classic tiles or marble if you can afford it since these are immune to any spills (and being a kitchen, shit will spill).

    This is entirely dyi-able and you'll have put in several weeks of gym worth of effort in there.

    Godspeed.

    Obviously fix the leak first. And in which world is it considered safe to have a spigot block off the main water supply? I would ask for damages from whomever is responsible and invest that sum in retiling the kitchen. And a dog. Definitely a dog.

    The above post is entirely serious btw. A dog is the only reason I'd want to acquire a house.


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  5. #5
    lol marble. You're putting in tile.

  6. #6
    Donor erichkknaar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorkin Desal View Post
    So, I bought a house.
    F

    I have to get a new roof this year.
    meh

  7. #7
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spasm View Post
    lol marble. You're putting in tile.
    If you want to build for proper longevity, marble > classic tiles and the price isn't that much higher.


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  8. #8
    Donor Lorkin Desal's Avatar
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    So where was I? Ah yes, leaking stopcock.

    https://imgur.com/y8K5vv9

    Here is the picture of the device in question. I don't actually have any photos of it prior to repairing it as I was too busy trying to find the water main in the street and turn my water off there. You cant actually see any Lino because I took that away also. The entire carcass of the cupboard is rotten,
    are many of the other units...

    And before you ask - No, I don't know why there is soil in the gap around the main soil stack. I think it used to be either food or is the remains of parts of cupboard.

    So anyway, remember those electrical surveys that I didn't bother to commission? Probably should have done that. Remember kids, what looks fine on the outside is probably a screaming cesspool of dangerous electrical instability underneath.

    The sockets in the kitchen have all been bodged. There are live ends everywhere (not the lol bzzt kind, the kind where you now have to pay for a funeral as well as a house). As you can see from some of the photos, the only thing holding some of the circuits together is my hopes and dreams and lots of electrical tape. Where the cooker had been (on an internal wall, because who wants a cooker with no external vent above it), the cable had been passed under the carpet around the bottom of the stairs and back to create a circuit.

    Then, I found the loft. The fact it was full of shit that the last occupant didn't want to take with them I can understand. (Although I pity whoever was up there and lost their dentures underneath the loft boards..)

    https://imgur.com/JJY9uI3
    https://imgur.com/dl3ozrq

    That brings me on to the loft boards
    Now, I may be a stickler for detail, but I'm sure I've read somewhere Its best not to leave a load of wood up in the loft and just lay it on top of other bits of wood then walk on top of it. I'm sure loft boards have to be screwed to joists and interlinked so that you can stand on them. I'm also sure that old bits of cabinet and furniture that's made out of hardboard won't support the weight of even an undernourished human being.

    And now, back to the electrics..
    https://imgur.com/IA5fVMj
    https://imgur.com/IA5fVMj
    https://imgur.com/9y2PteB
    https://imgur.com/AyaGmUM


    How this place hasn't burned down I have no idea. Its out of my comfort zone, and its been a while since I learned to wire a plug at school. I'm going to have to hire someone...
    Last edited by Lorkin Desal; January 20 2018 at 10:22:13 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Virtuozzo
    The evolution of the meme. From shipspinning to meatspinning.

  9. #9
    Dorvil Barranis's Avatar
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    Watch this, it will help motivate you.

    "Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." - Zhuge Liang


  10. #10
    Shaikar's Avatar
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    Definitely get onto your solicitors about the water if it had been raised and things were agreed to. If you've left it months you may be shit out of luck though.

    Find a sparky friend to look at your wiring insanity too. Do this yesterday.

  11. #11
    Smarnca's Avatar
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    Dat house wiring

    top stuff

    Careful not head hit on rock!
    laughs in Slovenian

  12. #12
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Holy shit. You actually living there now?


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  13. #13
    Movember '11 Best Facial Hair, Best 'Tache Movember 2011Movember 2012Donor helgur's Avatar
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    I inherited a house my granduncle built in the '30ies. Almost everything was original with it, including the toilet facilities which at the time of construction was in it's own shed outside the house without any plumbing or electricity. The stove in the kitchen had only one big heating pan in it and they used it to heat half of the house(!)

    Much has been done, including giving it a makeover outside with new paint and furnishings. The construction is rock solid, they really made sturdy stuff back then. But walking in it before I started renovating was like going back in time. Brown. Brown everywhere (including the nicotine coated walls and roof because my granduncle didn't smoke tobacco but pure tar apparently).

  14. #14
    Darkening's Avatar
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    That is going to cost a bomb, like 3000 just to short out the wiring.

  15. #15
    smuggo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smarnca View Post
    Dat house wiring

    top stuff
    Do not live in this house until the wiring is sorted.

  16. #16
    Darkening's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Larkonis Trassler View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Smarnca View Post
    Dat house wiring

    top stuff
    Do not live in this house until the wiring is sorted.

  17. #17
    Movember 2012 Zekk Pacus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helgur View Post
    I inherited a house my granduncle built in the '30ies. Almost everything was original with it, including the toilet facilities which at the time of construction was in it's own shed outside the house without any plumbing or electricity. The stove in the kitchen had only one big heating pan in it and they used it to heat half of the house(!)

    Much has been done, including giving it a makeover outside with new paint and furnishings. The construction is rock solid, they really made sturdy stuff back then. But walking in it before I started renovating was like going back in time. Brown. Brown everywhere (including the nicotine coated walls and roof because my granduncle didn't smoke tobacco but pure tar apparently).
    I know you've already done it, but for tar coated walls from people who smoke inside, sugar soap is fantastic. Wash twice.

    I did my mum's ground floor last year, repainted it, then next time I went round she was smoking indoors. Words were had.
    'I'm pro life. I'm a non-smoker. I'm a pro-life non-smoker. WOO, Let the party begin!'

  18. #18
    Approaching Walrus's Avatar
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    seek legal counsel tbfh

  19. #19
    FatFreddy's Avatar
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    A good example of why ticking items off your bucket lists for its own sake might not always be the most sensible course of action.
    Quote Originally Posted by QuackBot
    Pastry.. That the best you can do?
    Quote Originally Posted by NotXenosis View Post

    M8, i have discussions that spam multiple accounts, you aren't even on my level

  20. #20
    Right Rudder's Avatar
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    I bought some rocks to make my own patio. I felt like I had fucked up. This decision chain is impressive.

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