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Thread: Emo Thread Mk.VIII - It always rains. In my soul.

  1. #1121
    Malcanis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Malcanis View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmin View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmin View Post
    it's your fault, it is not appreciated and it will get you thrown under the bus.
    This is an important life-lesson to learn. "Coping" is a term meaning "I will do more work for the same pay".
    I agree. I was dumb as a bag of nails. Knowledge acquired, incorporated and applied to all future "would you like to do this shift pls we're desperate".
    The only remotely acceptable agreement in these circumstances is one which lays out exactly what compensation you'll get.

    Negotiating extra time off is a good one to start with, because it won't actually cost the company money as such. And time is precious.

    Oh, and of course get the agreement in writing...
    This is excellent advice. Unfortunately, I think the most hassle free way to get around this is just decline. Nobody wants to do this stuff in writing because they can't afford to give you that time off - over the past 3 years I've seldom had time off by annual leave. My "time off" was when I was literally too sick to go to work (or do anything else, really) or emergencies. Overall not a good experience I have to say, but in hindsight it was mostly my fault because I trusted some people too much and considered them to be trustworthy.

    I am not bitter about it though. If anything, I'm grateful for the lessons learned (the hard way). These are the ones that stick to you regardless of what may happen.
    If the people asking you to bail them out of the shit creek can't authourise time off they can't do much else to you, so fuck em, they should get their own work done.
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  2. #1122
    Super Baderator DonorGlobal Moderator cullnean's Avatar
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    He is an NHS doc BTW, not surprised he is over worked tbh.

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  3. #1123
    Malcanis's Avatar
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    Ah right.

    Yeah in that case, it's a hard no to everything.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keieueue View Post
    I love Malcanis!

  4. #1124
    Movember 2011Movember 2012 Nordstern's Avatar
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    About two months ago, I learned that a younger cousin was diagnosed with colon cancer. No history of that in the family. She's around 29, married, with 2 kids.

    Last week, I learned she went to the Mayo Clinic, where the doctors determined that nothing could be done, since the cancer has metastasized and spread to other organs. Even with chemo, her prognosis is anywhere from 1-18 months.

    I am not close to this cousin (but not unfriendly), and I have always struggled with empathy. I still haven't truly processed my grief from my mom's passing five years ago. I am struggling with what I can say or do.
    "Holy shit, I ask you to stop being autistic and you debate what autistic is." - spasm
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    WTF I hate white people now...

  5. #1125
    Jack Coutu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nordstern View Post
    About two months ago, I learned that a younger cousin was diagnosed with colon cancer. No history of that in the family. She's around 29, married, with 2 kids.

    Last week, I learned she went to the Mayo Clinic, where the doctors determined that nothing could be done, since the cancer has metastasized and spread to other organs. Even with chemo, her prognosis is anywhere from 1-18 months.

    I am not close to this cousin (but not unfriendly), and I have always struggled with empathy. I still haven't truly processed my grief from my mom's passing five years ago. I am struggling with what I can say or do.
    That's really hard, really hope things go as smoothly as they can for your family. Having come back from a trip home with a cancer situation myself I can't say there is anything to do or say. I'm not even sure having the time is always best, it all depends on who the person is and their outlook on suffering. I'm still a bit in shock after my aunt who's only in her forties with two kids in their teens was given a few months max, then the same day told it was only a few days. Totally out of nowhere I've been around cancer patients a few times but honestly, family makes it hard close or far. You just say what you can and share memories or make sure people have something else to think about. You not acting like it's the end of the world could actually be a huge relief, let them know you are thinking of them and if you live nearby go visit and just provide a sense that their family will be with people when they pass. It's shitty because nothing can fix the problem they really want fixed, but that sense of normalcy being provided all the way through REALLY helps people. I have a really gruff and matter of fact 70 year old cousin who showed up and really just joked around and made everything feel nice for a bit, even made my aunt laugh a bit which at the time she was not doing much of. Just do what ya can, it'll be enough.

  6. #1126
    Dorvil Barranis's Avatar
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    Cancer is a bitch, my mom passed at 40, while I was 13. Sorry to hear about your cousin
    "Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." - Zhuge Liang


  7. #1127
    Lief Siddhe's Avatar
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    all you can do basically is give your cousin a call, say you're sorry about the news, make her laugh with a joke or two and let her know if she needs anything you can help her or her kids with you're available
    I was somewhere around Old Man Star, on the edge of Essence, when drugs began to take hold.

  8. #1128
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nordstern View Post
    About two months ago, I learned that a younger cousin was diagnosed with colon cancer. No history of that in the family. She's around 29, married, with 2 kids.

    Last week, I learned she went to the Mayo Clinic, where the doctors determined that nothing could be done, since the cancer has metastasized and spread to other organs. Even with chemo, her prognosis is anywhere from 1-18 months.

    I am not close to this cousin (but not unfriendly), and I have always struggled with empathy. I still haven't truly processed my grief from my mom's passing five years ago. I am struggling with what I can say or do.
    Incidentally that is exactly what I feared (luckily dispelled by the colonoscopy I had, loaded family history with 8/11 brothers of my grandfather on my mother's side having had it).

    Honestly there is not a lot you can actually do. Support is important, however it does depend on how they take it - you are empathetic, however it isn't a close relative - if they gobble up your time you need to be very mindful of that. It is not likely though, a lot of people suffer with depression following the diagnosis and their tendency will be to isolate themselves. Case in which phone call and a visit can be extremely helpful, chat them up, spend time with them, play games, doesn't matter, as long as it takes their mind off their death coming much sooner than expected. Do this as soon as possible as if there are mets pain will most likely follow soon enough and once they're heavily medicated they will be to sedated to actually enjoy anything.
    Guns make the news, science doesn't.

  9. #1129
    מלך יהודים Zeekar's Avatar
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    Thinking of breaking up with my gf. Im just not feeling it anymore.
    Is this normal? I haven't been in a normal longer relationship for ages so im honestly a bit at a loss. We had our rough patches (probably more than most) we had our good times but the entire relationship was quite strained and required a lot of flexibility from me from the start. At one point after another problem i called the entire thing off. Afterwards we discussed things and she promised to change her behavior. Truth be told she really did improve massively. But somehow how to put it i'm not "feeling" it anymore. She noticed it as well and commented ive became distant, cold and recluse. Now i dont know is this temporary since ive been under a lot of stress from work (but ive been under that beforehand and it was ok between us) or is this how it feels like when you're ready to finish things. I still care about her I really do but I dont see this progressing forward as it should.


    

  10. #1130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeekar View Post
    Thinking of breaking up with my gf. Im just not feeling it anymore.
    Is this normal? I haven't been in a normal longer relationship for ages so im honestly a bit at a loss. We had our rough patches (probably more than most) we had our good times but the entire relationship was quite strained and required a lot of flexibility from me from the start. At one point after another problem i called the entire thing off. Afterwards we discussed things and she promised to change her behavior. Truth be told she really did improve massively. But somehow how to put it i'm not "feeling" it anymore. She noticed it as well and commented ive became distant, cold and recluse. Now i dont know is this temporary since ive been under a lot of stress from work (but ive been under that beforehand and it was ok between us) or is this how it feels like when you're ready to finish things. I still care about her I really do but I dont see this progressing forward as it should.
    Is it because she lost your boots?

  11. #1131
    מלך יהודים Zeekar's Avatar
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    I lost my boots. I got them back tho


    

  12. #1132
    Super Baderator DonorGlobal Moderator cullnean's Avatar
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    Leave, better in the long run?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elriche Oshego View Post
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  13. #1133
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    Think about whether you would be staying around becuase in the short term it's simply easier than breaking up. If that's the case then you should probably leave.

    Are you excited about the prospect of a future with her? Do you see yourself being with her and happy in 6 months, a year, beyond that?
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Mason
    It is absurd that we are capable of witnessing a 40,000 year old system of gender oppression begin to dissolve before our eyes yet still see the abolition of a 200 year old economic system as an unrealistic utopia.

  14. #1134
    מלך יהודים Zeekar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keckers View Post
    Think about whether you would be staying around becuase in the short term it's simply easier than breaking up. If that's the case then you should probably leave.
    No its not that. Im not afraid of leaving. Im just undecided.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keckers View Post
    Are you excited about the prospect of a future with her? Do you see yourself being with her and happy in 6 months, a year, beyond that?
    I did. I really did. And she was probably the first girl in a very long time that i felt that. The feeling is gone tho. I like spending time with her, I enjoy myself now that there is far less drama but im honestly just waiting for the drama to restart again. And i honestly don't want to deal with that again.


    

  15. #1135
    Keckers's Avatar
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    Is that because the drama is bubbling below the surface and you fully expect it to become prominent again or just an unease that you don't think she is capable of lasting change in that regard?
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Mason
    It is absurd that we are capable of witnessing a 40,000 year old system of gender oppression begin to dissolve before our eyes yet still see the abolition of a 200 year old economic system as an unrealistic utopia.

  16. #1136
    מלך יהודים Zeekar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keckers View Post
    Is that because the drama is bubbling below the surface and you fully expect it to become prominent again or just an unease that you don't think she is capable of lasting change in that regard?
    The latter. Especially when i think about it long term. What will happen when we have a family for example. I would not be able to handle it because i really dont need to fight those battles at home.


    

  17. #1137
    Dorvil Barranis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeekar View Post
    I lost my boots. I got them back tho
    These mountaineering boots are made for walking. -Nancy Sinatra

    This is an attempt to be clever, not to be mistaken for actual advice.
    "Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." - Zhuge Liang


  18. #1138
    Donor Spaztick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeekar View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Keckers View Post
    Is that because the drama is bubbling below the surface and you fully expect it to become prominent again or just an unease that you don't think she is capable of lasting change in that regard?
    The latter. Especially when i think about it long term. What will happen when we have a family for example. I would not be able to handle it because i really dont need to fight those battles at home.
    Need some context in a broader sense: how long have you two been together, what is the relationship like, what are or were any major problems or drama, etc. Drama is a big no-no, and living together with someone really restricts your ability to control what drama they give you in your life.

    My best guess without knowing specifics is you've hit the 3-4 year mark and the excitement has finally worn off. This is typically when people break up because they're chasing the excitement and novelty of the relationships and it's difficult for a lot of people to get past it into long-term stuff (and if you haven't hit the 3 year mark yet this isn't caused by "boredom" but something else). I could give advice but I'm not sure if it's applicable or if people would take it, but despite my history of edge lord internet shitposting I'm well qualified to opine on the do's and don'ts of relationships.

  19. #1139
    Cosmin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeekar View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Keckers View Post
    Is that because the drama is bubbling below the surface and you fully expect it to become prominent again or just an unease that you don't think she is capable of lasting change in that regard?
    The latter. Especially when i think about it long term. What will happen when we have a family for example. I would not be able to handle it because i really dont need to fight those battles at home.
    I think you two may benefit from a couple sessions of couples therapy? Put your mind at ease and help her express some issues?

    This uneasy feeling is something I'm all too familiar with. Is it like walking on eggshells for fear of triggering the drama? If so, some therapy may be the answer. If you think it's worth it. If not, do leave, it may be better for both of you in the long run.

    Just make sure you pick the right therapist (should know some CBT/DBT), because otherwise it may worsen things, and it also depends on her views on therapy. As long as you're not sending her alone (thus by implying she has a problem, which may trigger some flying frying pans aimed at your brain enclosure), it should be gud. Do tell her how you feel (uneasy about the future - not about her herself - also caring for her a lot - which is how it transpires from your posts). If she doesn't understand or throws a tantrum, go to leave.
    Guns make the news, science doesn't.

  20. #1140
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    Yo yo my dudes

    im absoutely rrsehoilded right niw, so if youre waiting for adick suck ,belt up ad suck away motherfuckers. SUCK SUM DICK YO. Pleace and fucjbing believe yeaH?

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