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View Poll Results: Cast your vote, gentlemen

Voters
28. You may not vote on this poll
  • Genius

    8 28.57%
  • Go back to your hole

    6 21.43%
  • Women faint at the sight of my crotch IRL

    12 42.86%
  • So, about those pants...

    2 7.14%
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

  1. #1
    FatFreddy's Avatar
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    April 10, 2011
    Posts
    14,812

    MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

    In MT Issue#69, I shall propose the possibility to unlock modification of your physique and visual appearance in exchange for Aurum, that is until CCP implements cash machines in Stations. When I say cash machines, I mean machines that subtract cash from your actual bank account directly into the secret CCP goldbunker located under Mt. Ägloaofkaloljokullgreedson which is guarded by the little people and Himlar's step mother whos beard killed three men on his own back in '37 who tried to get back at her for charging two wooden houses and half a whale for her woven bracelets which the women of Icelandia came to like very much from when she had started to sell them for what they were actually worth, half a fish.

    Now.

    MT Issue#69 covers a crucial point which CCP so far have seem to overlooked. Vanity. Not Items, human vanity when it comes to looks. Since mumorpuguh customers* see their avatars as extension/replacement of not only their virtual, but also their real existence it is of the utmost importance that this cauldron of everflowing riches shall be kept boiling at peak temperature.

    MT Issue#69 will appeal to the women and men of Eve Online equally. For a fair pricing, customers* will be able to modify their characters' appearance. Examples could include:

    The Are you just happy to see me or is that a huge moneygrab in your pants character extension:

    Price: 35,000 Aur.
    Effect (male characters only): A clearly visible bulge in the beautiful pants which were hand-drawn by our highly-paid artists with only the finest of fountain-pens.

    The My parents are from the continent which lies south of Europe addition:

    Price: 70,000 Aur
    Effect (male characters only): Female Agents will faint at the sight of your characters prominent lower features because even the most effective, resilient combat gear can not withstand and will burst; granting your character and additonal LP payout of 50% and the offer to "come back for a special assignment this evening"

    The I was a prom queen once package

    Price: 150,000 Aur
    Effect (female characters only): Your quarters are inhabitated by two lovely, lively children off yours. Keep them entertained, clean up behind them, drive them to Pator Tech School in your new Interbus Spacevan (700,000 without, 750,000 with air conditioning) and better have that dinner ready before your husband NPC comes home and slaps your ass back into the kitchen where you can heat up some delicious BarfueUltra for him while delicately animated tears run down your cheek and drop onto your now only ever so slightly sagging spaceboobs which luckily at least get some attention from time to time from Uglork, your minmatar household slave (if you pay the monthly fee of 20,000 Aur to keep Uglork fed and entertained enough so he won't murder your children and take off with the Spacevan)

    The Ooops I dropped my Gatling Laser teehee special move

    Effect (female characters only): You are Starlania, fearless bounty huntress of the Great Wildlands. In your years of brutalizing Spacevillains' Starvessels, you have amassed a healthy stash of shiney things and, still being in your best years, all the fighting and tearing out Pirates' hearts with your steel-hardened fingernails has formed your ass into one mindblowing display of jigglyness. Thus, your characters can now perform the "bend over" action aboard stations, stunning male capsuleers avatars for a short amount of time which enables you to take off with their wallet. Unfortunately, all that killing and stealing has turned your heart into a cold, dark place. Yet you still sometimes wake up at night and crave the warmth of a body next to you.
    Have we told you about Uglork already? He quit his last job and just happens to have reached this very station this morning with a shiney new Spacevan. If you offer him some Aurum, he sure would be delighted to keep you company.

    Price: TBA

    Coming Soon (TM):

    The You wanna be my peacock? "panorama window" pants for male characters which feature a transparent, yet even vacuum-proof outlook on your rear, to ensure our male homosexual audience we haven't forgotten about them and their magnificient purchasing power

    and more
    Stay tuned.










    *very sad people IRL who brush their teeth only on the 30th of february and better shove that dough over already you whiney fucks
    Quote Originally Posted by QuackBot
    Pastry.. That the best you can do?
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    M8, i have discussions that spam multiple accounts, you aren't even on my level

  2. #2
    Moderator Moderator Ryas Nia's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 9, 2011
    Location
    Nashville TN
    Posts
    598

    Re: MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

    how about chest hair for AUR, i have at least one character i would pay to put that on.

    Quote Originally Posted by High Sierra
    HERE! YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING ELSE! TAKE MY PANTS!

  3. #3

    Join Date
    April 14, 2011
    Posts
    994

    Re: MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

    Does CCP really have a secret gold bunker?

  4. #4
    Administrator EntroX's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 9, 2011
    Location
    Miami, FL
    Posts
    10,991

    Re: MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

    i can live with this
    need me?, contact me on Discord (entrox#0001) or via e-mail (entrox@failheap-challenge.com).

  5. #5
    Donor Sponk's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 10, 2011
    Location
    AU TZ
    Posts
    11,503

    Re: MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features

    I am living with this.
    Contract stuff to Seraphina Amaranth.

    "You give me the awful impression - I hate to have to say - of someone who hasn't read any of the arguments against your position. Ever."


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