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Thread: FHC Crusader Kings II MP: A Song of Autism and Incest

  1. #21
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    Through the intercession of St.Michael, the archangel,
    be our protection in the battle against all evil.

  2. #22
    Donor erichkknaar's Avatar
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    Which voice comms does St. Michael suggest we use?
    meh

  3. #23
    Bentguru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erichkknaar View Post
    Which voice comms does St. Michael suggest we use?
    ts.failheap-challenge.com

  4. #24
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    uwot
    Last edited by Elriche Oshego; March 19 2017 at 07:30:03 PM.

  5. #25
    Approaching Walrus's Avatar
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  6. #26
    FatFreddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elriche Oshego View Post
    pw:
    dont write the password in plaintext here you numpty

    edit: or is it quite possible written in plaintext already in other gamethread posts? Still. Don't do that.

    edit2: teamspeak thread (its stickied) screenie for reference

    Last edited by FatFreddy; March 20 2017 at 09:09:59 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by QuackBot
    Pastry.. That the best you can do?
    Quote Originally Posted by NotXenosis View Post

    M8, i have discussions that spam multiple accounts, you aren't even on my level

  7. #27
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    Woops. People were having problems :P

  8. #28
    Bentguru's Avatar
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    Good initial session:

    I started as Count of Orleans, and while everybody else was having fun conquering while the world burned down around us I was stuck with a single province due to the most worthless chancellor ever. In 20 years I was able to get all of 2 kids off of my wife, one son and one daughter. The daughter I married to a diplo 20 courtier matrilinerally to get him into my court. Then I started pressing claims, taking a nearby county, then I died and my son took over.

    I got my son married to a super smart quick wife, who died after bearing 1 son, and then he married the neighboring countess of Sens. Between them they produced 7 children, plus my previous, so my dynasty was very wide. I was able to take the bishopric of Reims, revoke the barony there, and then make it a capital so the county was now a non-bishopric. Then I did nothing for a very long period of time, because French politics were insane and prevented me from really making any moves.

    In short: Charlemagne died, middle and west Francia never united, Burgundy revolted from middle Francia successfully (and I somehow got sucked in) and middle Francia turned into Austriasia. Then a bunch of dukes and counts staged endless rebellions in all 3 realms, making it nearly impossible for me to expand well. My 4th son in succession had super-good stats with Quick, but was killed by some religious rebellions before I could scheme him onto the throne.

    So basically I bided my time, eventually my 1st and 2nd sons died, leaving the 3rd son (who had inherited Sens) to inherit the other 3 counties. This FINALLY allowed me to create a duchy, secure my power base, and because Sens was for some reason independent swear vassalage to DC who was King of france by then. All right before the session end.

    In summary, I now have 4 counties under my control and am a Duke. I am vassalized to a sensible ruler (DC), and I think I probably have the most wide dynasty of all the players. So things are looking up!

    House Galimani
    Last edited by Bentguru; March 19 2017 at 10:22:58 PM.

  9. #29
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    The French duchies are finally united! Together we will build a kingdom capable of liberating the Christians in the Iberian peninsula.

    Last edited by Elriche Oshego; March 19 2017 at 10:05:55 PM.

  10. #30
    Bentguru's Avatar
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    fully empowered council in France is aids, we need to fix that.

  11. #31
    Approaching Walrus's Avatar
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    AAR: my starting count in Brittany was 58 years old. Married him to a lustful wife and quickly built a dynasty before he croaked in his 70s. United the whole of Brittany with help from the king in Gascony (thanks). Heir was very powerful thanks to Elriche's tutelage but contracted the great pox in the middle of a war against the king of Australasia for the duchy of Burgundy to go to my sister, so I had to abandon those plans while my duke lay in bed for 10 years.

    Married into the duchy of Normandy and pressed my mother's claim to the duchy in the 3rd generation of my dynasty, in the middle of this war not only did the Umayyads attack and get dunked on by the catholics but I somehow became king of west Francia (elective). So I'll end up ruling both Normandy and Brittany once my mother dies.

    Now we have to unfuck the region before the Umayyads get a high martial ruler and shit all over us.

  12. #32
    Joe Appleby's Avatar
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    I picked a count close to home: Nassau. Part of Franconia. I wanted a Duchy of my own and also wanted to rule Köln/Cologne. Since you can't play theocracies (where is my god damn DLC????) I had to content with Nassau.

    I was broke most of the time, managed to barely conquer Trier and the Pfalz. I was very wary of my character dieing, as I had way too many sons and wasn't a duke. On my first chance I sacrificed my eldest son to close the gates of hell that appeared in my backyard. The French king, one of us who apparently managed to get elected even though he only was a lowly count, wanted to revoke the duchy of Franconia to give it to me. Cue the Duke of Franconia revolting and dragging me into this. I stay put while France sieges Würzburg. Sachsen is like "Oh, weak enemy, I'll take it!" So we have to stop them to finish the war and give me the title.

    My character dies -a member of the Benedictine Order, celibate to stop my wife from spawning offspring, bitch went and fucked others instead- and my son inherits, one of the three counties went to a brother. A brother with better stats.

    FINE.

    Yeah, my brother declares war for the crown, at the same time my next door duke revolts against the king, drags me somehow with him, I lose the Pfalz and after the war don't get it back.

    FINE.

    Oh yeah and somehow we manage to have France lose several counties to Middle Francia / Austrasia.

    And the rest of France all of the sudden became Burgundy.

    The Muslims also conquered all of Spain and even tried to get their foot into France.

    It's all pretty fucked.

    Bohemia is Muslim as well. A secret cult may be to blame.

    EDIT: I forgot to mention that my second character, whose brother was sacrificed to close the gate of hell, was a homosexual scheming member of Lucifer's Own.

    I did try to recruit some of you guys, but you wouldn't let me.

    I also cursed someone but died before I could see the end result.
    Last edited by Joe Appleby; March 19 2017 at 11:10:10 PM.
    nevar forget

  13. #33
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Approaching Walrus View Post
    AAR: my starting count in Brittany was 58 years old. Married him to a lustful wife and quickly built a dynasty before he croaked in his 70s. United the whole of Brittany with help from the king in Gascony (thanks). Heir was very powerful thanks to Elriche's tutelage but contracted the great pox in the middle of a war against the king of Australasia for the duchy of Burgundy to go to my sister, so I had to abandon those plans while my duke lay in bed for 10 years.

    Married into the duchy of Normandy and pressed my mother's claim to the duchy in the 3rd generation of my dynasty, in the middle of this war not only did the Umayyads attack and get dunked on by the catholics but I somehow became king of west Francia (elective). So I'll end up ruling both Normandy and Brittany once my mother dies.

    Now we have to unfuck the region before the Umayyads get a high martial ruler and shit all over us.
    I nominated you for Kingship

    The Duchy of Poitou is in a stable position within the newly minted French kingdom. Duchess Adeltruis the fat, the courageous, the greedy remains ruler of the realm. Her heir is a slow, stupid, but courageous fool married to a financially wise wife.

    Last edited by Elriche Oshego; March 20 2017 at 01:55:38 PM.

  14. #34
    Varcaus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FatFreddy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Elriche Oshego View Post
    pw:
    dont write the password in plaintext here you numpty

    edit: or is it quite possible written in plaintext already in other gamethread posts? Still. Don't do that.

    edit2: teamspeak thread (its stickied) screenie for reference

    And now you have quoted it. Genius

  15. #35
    Donor erichkknaar's Avatar
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    I started as the count of Forez, who's demense includes Lyon. A lot of things happen really quickly, especially seeing as how I needed to download about 6 DLC and had no idea societies existed until Joe mentioned them, which tells you how long ago I played.

    Aight, a little manipulation of the gene pools, I inserted daughters into both the Ducal houses around me and Lombardy, which may be useful later.

    Suddenly, the great Frankish civil war comes. I find myself (for no reasons I can adequately explain) commander of the Rebel doomstack of 6.5k, so I stomped Charlemagne with them and then found myself the Duke of Dauphine when it all wound up. I still have nfi what actually happened, but I don't think anyone else does either. Somehow, Bent became my vassal through this process.

    After this, I muddled on through a time of disease and death, with none of my rulers bar the sire growing older then his 30s. Grandma spymaster, however, has been a rock, and responsible for mayhem in the courts of neo-france.

    Despite my best intentions, I just cannot get the two territories I have claims on done, which would strengthen my Duchy, and give me a foot into Provence. There is too much war, constantly, and every time I raise my not inconsiderable personal army, yet another war breaks out and a few thousand angry Franks rampage across the land and I just disperse my personal levy so as not to get involved or personally beaten in battle.

    Construction and technology are progressing nicely. Young Adalbero II has a bright future, his forebears having been somewhat prescient and not having thrown away any resources wastefully.

    The truth is, we will have to consider the entire Burgundian realm next session, this petty warring is harmful, and the Burgundian king seems ineffectual.
    meh

  16. #36
    FatFreddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Varcaus View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by FatFreddy View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Elriche Oshego View Post
    pw:
    dont write the password in plaintext here you numpty

    edit: or is it quite possible written in plaintext already in other gamethread posts? Still. Don't do that.

    edit2: teamspeak thread (its stickied) screenie for reference

    And now you have quoted it. Genius
    Ah ha ha he he, that was just, er, to show the error. Yes.

    (thanks for the heads-up)
    Quote Originally Posted by QuackBot
    Pastry.. That the best you can do?
    Quote Originally Posted by NotXenosis View Post

    M8, i have discussions that spam multiple accounts, you aren't even on my level

  17. #37
    Bentguru's Avatar
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    Evidently I am a potential King of Austurais as the duchy of champagne is a de jure title of that kingdom.

  18. #38
    Joe Appleby's Avatar
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    I will focus on getting all de jure counties of Franconia back under the title and then expand towards Cologne. My only issue is that I am too broke constantly to build up my demnese buildings to increase my forces. So far at best I can muster 500 soldiers after losing 33% of my duchy.
    nevar forget

  19. #39
    Movember 2012 Elriche Oshego's Avatar
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    Sounds like you've got yourself into some serious Alemannic shit.

  20. #40
    Bentguru's Avatar
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    The Great Houses of FHC

    House Chiemgaudson (DC). Currently led by Pepin; King of France, Duke of Brittany, Heir to Duchy of Normandy
      Spoiler:


    House Abbonid (Elriche). Currently led by Adeltrudis the Fat; Duchess of Poutou, Keeper of the Swans of France
      Spoiler:


    House Vuodi (erichkknaar). Currently led by Adalbero II; Duke of Dauphine, Heir to the county of Mortain
      Spoiler:


    House Louping (Nick). Currently led by Princess Sanca of France; Duchess of Aquitaine, Duchess of Gascogne.
      Spoiler:


    House Babenberger (Joe). Currently led by Ingohildis; Duchess of Franconia
      Spoiler:


    House Galimani (Bentguru). Currently led by Clodio; Duke of Champagne.
      Spoiler:

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