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View Full Version : MT Issue#69 - Extraordinary bodily features



FatFreddy
June 29 2011, 09:34:58 PM
In MT Issue#69, I shall propose the possibility to unlock modification of your physique and visual appearance in exchange for Aurum, that is until CCP implements cash machines in Stations. When I say cash machines, I mean machines that subtract cash from your actual bank account directly into the secret CCP goldbunker located under Mt. Ägloaofkaloljokullgreedson which is guarded by the little people and Himlar's step mother whos beard killed three men on his own back in '37 who tried to get back at her for charging two wooden houses and half a whale for her woven bracelets which the women of Icelandia came to like very much from when she had started to sell them for what they were actually worth, half a fish.

Now.

MT Issue#69 covers a crucial point which CCP so far have seem to overlooked. Vanity. Not Items, human vanity when it comes to looks. Since mumorpuguh customers* see their avatars as extension/replacement of not only their virtual, but also their real existence it is of the utmost importance that this cauldron of everflowing riches shall be kept boiling at peak temperature.

MT Issue#69 will appeal to the women and men of Eve Online equally. For a fair pricing, customers* will be able to modify their characters' appearance. Examples could include:

The Are you just happy to see me or is that a huge moneygrab in your pants character extension:

Price: 35,000 Aur.
Effect (male characters only): A clearly visible bulge in the beautiful pants which were hand-drawn by our highly-paid artists with only the finest of fountain-pens.

The My parents are from the continent which lies south of Europe addition:

Price: 70,000 Aur
Effect (male characters only): Female Agents will faint at the sight of your characters prominent lower features because even the most effective, resilient combat gear can not withstand and will burst; granting your character and additonal LP payout of 50% and the offer to "come back for a special assignment this evening"

The I was a prom queen once package

Price: 150,000 Aur
Effect (female characters only): Your quarters are inhabitated by two lovely, lively children off yours. Keep them entertained, clean up behind them, drive them to Pator Tech School in your new Interbus Spacevan (700,000 without, 750,000 with air conditioning) and better have that dinner ready before your husband NPC comes home and slaps your ass back into the kitchen where you can heat up some delicious BarfueUltra for him while delicately animated tears run down your cheek and drop onto your now only ever so slightly sagging spaceboobs which luckily at least get some attention from time to time from Uglork, your minmatar household slave (if you pay the monthly fee of 20,000 Aur to keep Uglork fed and entertained enough so he won't murder your children and take off with the Spacevan)

The Ooops I dropped my Gatling Laser teehee special move

Effect (female characters only): You are Starlania, fearless bounty huntress of the Great Wildlands. In your years of brutalizing Spacevillains' Starvessels, you have amassed a healthy stash of shiney things and, still being in your best years, all the fighting and tearing out Pirates' hearts with your steel-hardened fingernails has formed your ass into one mindblowing display of jigglyness. Thus, your characters can now perform the "bend over" action aboard stations, stunning male capsuleers avatars for a short amount of time which enables you to take off with their wallet. Unfortunately, all that killing and stealing has turned your heart into a cold, dark place. Yet you still sometimes wake up at night and crave the warmth of a body next to you.
Have we told you about Uglork already? He quit his last job and just happens to have reached this very station this morning with a shiney new Spacevan. If you offer him some Aurum, he sure would be delighted to keep you company.

Price: TBA

Coming Soon (TM):

The You wanna be my peacock? "panorama window" pants for male characters which feature a transparent, yet even vacuum-proof outlook on your rear, to ensure our male homosexual audience we haven't forgotten about them and their magnificient purchasing power

and more
Stay tuned.










*very sad people IRL who brush their teeth only on the 30th of february and better shove that dough over already you whiney fucks

Ryas Nia
June 29 2011, 10:11:03 PM
how about chest hair for AUR, i have at least one character i would pay to put that on.

Zoidberg
June 29 2011, 10:53:46 PM
Does CCP really have a secret gold bunker?

EntroX
June 30 2011, 01:12:00 AM
i can live with this 8-)

Sponk
June 30 2011, 01:18:41 AM
I am living with this.